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What You REALLY Want

Last week I wrote about the nine steps it takes to “Play Big.”  The first one, which actually relates to virtually every one of us, was “Take your head out of the sand.”

I’m going to assume that you did.

So, now that you’ve taken your head out of the sand, are you ready to draw a line in the sand?

Follow along with me.

Most people today don’t know what they really want.  They think they do.  They can make a list of things they’d buy if they could.  They know what they’d do with a million bucks if they won the lottery.  They know the house they’d buy if they got lucky and their businesses shot off the charts.

But is that what they really want?  Or is it what they think they want?  You see …

A recent Texas A&M study says a person is bombarded by 850 commercial messages a day, on average.”

So, much of what fills people’s wish lists is driven by “externals,” by what they see and hear about.  From TV, ads on smart phones, websites, billboards, from what friends have or talk about.  I know, I know.  It sounds so superficial…

Why?  Because it is.

By keeping people’s wish lists long, advertisers know they can keep them in a perpetual state of discontent.  They never have enough.  There’s always a newer iPad, a thinner mobile device, a sleeker car, hotter jeans.  Better … faster … cooler … more awesome.

Are you thinking “hamster on a wheel” yet?

Want to know how to get off?

Stop.

Sit quietly with a pad of paper and list everything you think you want.  Do a brain dump.  List absolutely everything you can think of.  Be sure to also take the time to go inside and look at what’s most important to you.  What will bring you joy not just in the short term, but also feed into later joy?  What touches your core, your values?  Don’t write down what you think you should want.  This is your secret list.

Once you’re done, start picking out any two things on the list.  Decide which of the two is more important to you and cross off the other one.

Do that until you have just three things left on your list.

These three are the things that will bring you the greatest happiness when you achieve them.  It doesn’t matter what they are; everyone’s three will be different.  But they are what will truly drive you to achieve.  And everything else on the list (all those things you crossed off) should be things you would gladly sacrifice in order to obtain or achieve your special three.

Now it’s time to draw the proverbial line in the sand.

For each of the three, set a deadline of when you could reasonably fulfill them, whatever they are.  Stretch yourself a bit.  Write the three things, plus their deadlines, on a clean piece of paper and save it somewhere.  And make a commitment to yourself that, come hell or high water, you are going to meet those deadlines.

Then get ready for the obstacles.  Expect things to go wrong.  If you fall down, get back up, brush off your shins and keep going.

Nothing really important comes easy.

By the way, no one needs to know what’s on your short list.

But as you obtain or achieve them, one by one, you will understand what real fulfillment is.  You’ll understand priorities.  You’ll know what focus is.

And you’ll be infinitely happier than the people still chasing every shiny object thrown in their path.

Then you can either pity them, or share this little exercise with them.

I think I know which one you’ll do.

(Let me know below …)

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Rather listen than read?  Click the link below:

How to Truly Play Big

I always disliked the expression “put on your big girl panties” and I’m not quite sure why.  Maybe because it just felt a little demeaning.

But, the more I look at our economy, the more I realize that the government is not going to provide the solution.  So we each have to take personal responsibility for triggering its jump-start.  And what that phrase says, when we don’t have our big girl panties on, is that we’re still acting from a place of dependence.  Of little girl excuse-making.

If you’re a regular reader of mine, you know my stand on personal responsibility.  Well, here’s another take on it.

A few nights ago, I heard an interview with a guy from Goldman Sachs.  I normally think of them as the bad guys, for the role they played in helping topple the economy in 2008. But this guy in particular was worth listening to.  Jim O’Neill is the CEO of Asset Management for them.  He and Charlie Rose were discussing where the world economy – as well as ours – is going.

In talking about Europe, O’Neill mentioned that one of the biggest problems Italy has is that only 40% of its women are involved in economic activity and that the brain power, the IQ power of women in that country is being wasted.

It made me stop and think of the role of women in the world economy … and in ours.  It made me realize that if any of us is playing small, then we’re not putting out our full woman brain power … woman IQ … woman ability … woman power in general.

If ever there was a time, this is a time when we do need to play big.  We have the ability to make a difference in our economy.  The sum of the parts – the efforts of millions of women – can get this economy going.  Bit by bit.  Day by day.  But we have to get past our own head stuff.

Anything we have that’s holding us back ultimately holds everything back.  I’m not saying that we’re the cause of the problem … but I’m saying we can be the solution to the problem.

So I’m going to look in more detail at the same nine steps I wrote about in last week’s article entitled “Time to Stop Playing Small” and how those steps can help you “Play Big.”  I hope you’re in this with me, because I think we can be the real hope and change.

1.    Get your head out of the sand:  Accept that you are an intrinsic part of the economy, even if just one cog in the wheel.  (Each cog counts!)  If nothing has changed in what you’ve been doing for the last three or four years, it’s time to look at it now.

2.    Get real about your life and your money:  Most people are living in some fantasy world and have not looked honestly at what’s important and what’s not in their lives.  If that’s your case, you’re basically running on automatic.  Same goes for your money.  If you don’t know exactly how much you make and how much you spend, you’re not being honest.

3.    Stop procrastinating or lying to yourself:  We’re talking about today.  Not tomorrow.  If you’ve had plans you haven’t implemented, or if you’ve talked for ages about something you wanted to change and haven’t yet, now’s the time to change it.  Look at what you’re doing with your time and energy.  If you’re not playing full on, you’re either dragging your heels or not being truthful.  It’s time to stop that.

4.    Ignore what anyone says you can or can’t do:  No one knows you as well as you do.  (Any outside opinion is just that: an opinion.)  And only you know how badly you want to do something.  If it’s important to you, ignore everyone.  Dream as big as you want … and then move to make the dream a reality.

5.    Figure out where you want to be:  It’s about the “vision thing.”  Get very specific and very visual about what you want an hour, a day, a week and a month to look like in your ideal life.  Live it in your mind’s eye.  Feel how it feels.  Let the emotion be a driver for you.

6.    Put together a step-by-step plan to get there:  Get clear on what the gap looks like between where you are and where you want to be.  Then chunk that journey down into do-able pieces.  And write them down so you always know what to do next.

7.    Get help if you need it:  If you’re tripping over how you handle money, find an adviser or a program that can remove any fears or obstacles.  If it’s a skill you’re missing, find an adult education class.  Tap into all your friends and acquaintances by asking for advice if you think they know what you want to know.  Help is available and does not have to cost a fortune.

8.    Take the first steps:  Don’t focus on the entire journey.  It may overwhelm you.  If the first steps look easy but the steps later on scare you, just focus on the early ones.  By the time you get to the later ones, they most likely won’t scare you any more.

9.    And keep going:  Find someone to share your plan with.  Ask that person to be an accountability buddy for you.  But be sure that person believes in your dream, wants you to succeed and won’t be threatened by any change you want in your life.  And be sure to make them part of the celebration as you complete each step.

Now congratulate yourself.

You’re about to start playing big!

Drop me a note below and let me know what you’re already doing to be sure you’re in your big girl panties …

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Click below if you’d rather listen

Stop Playing Small

This will be short and sweet.  Because it’s a topic that makes me so angry, I think I should limit myself to as few words as possible.

But I have to say something.

Last week I posted an article on Facebook that I had read in Forbes Online entitled “Why Do Women Round Down When Men Round Up?” by Forbes staffer Jenna Goudreau.  Her premise was that, whereas men stretch numbers (and everything else in life) upward, we women shrink everything down.  Including our qualities and capabilities.

This was based on a piece out of Harvard Business Review insinuating that women in all professional settings are held back by this tendency to minimize our talents, skills and experience. The conclusion was that we focus on the glass half empty, rather than the glass half full.  We are afraid … to make mistakes, look dumb or fall short of being perfect.

Valerie Young, Ed.D, author of The Secret Thoughts of Successful Women, concludes that “Being female means you and your work automatically stand a greater chance of being ignored, discounted, trivialized, devalued or otherwise taken less seriously than a man’s.”

I say that, by the time you’re in your 40s or 50s, hopefully you’re long past what to me sounds like self-victimization.  “Woe is me.  I wasn’t good at math.  I have no control over my own destiny.  I have to accept the crumbs that are left to me.”

You do have choices in life.  You can either buy into what’s being perpetuated in the media or you can decide that it doesn’t pertain to you.

And here’s why it’s particularly important to straighten out your attitude soon.  (If not yesterday.)

Unless you’re already financially secure for life, it’s time to stop playing small.  Time to “get real.”  No one is going to come save you.  It’s up to you to figure out what you need to live today and what you’ll need in the future.  It’s time to get real about what you have and what you don’t.  What’s important to you and what’s not.  (Protect what’s important and shed the rest.)

Nothing in the U.S. or the world economy indicates that we’re on a path to great economic improvement or growth.  Nor will we be seeing “pre-2007” conditions again for the foreseeable future.

This does not mean there are no opportunities out there.  They just don’t look like they used to, and you’ll have to be more creative to unearth them.  But they’re there.

So, especially if you don’t have a decade or two to waste before starting to get serious about your future finances, my recommendations are the following for anyone not already set for life:

1.    Get your head out of the sand.
2.    Get real about your life and your money.
3.    Stop procrastinating or lying to yourself.
4.    Ignore what anyone says you can or can’t do.
5.    Figure out where you want to be.
6.    Put together a step-by-step plan to get there.
7.    Get help if you need it.
8.    Take the first steps.
9.    And keep going.

Let me know in the comment section below what, if anything, is keeping you from taking these steps to the financial freedom you so deserve.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve.

Rather listen than read?  Click here:

Personal Responsibility

I thought the rules about finances didn’t pertain to me.  They were for “other people.”

I knew all about numbers.  I had been raised in a family where we were involved in my Dad’s businesses from early on.  At 13, I worked at his iron ore mine in the interior of Brazil.  I monitored and recorded how much ore was loaded in each railroad car before it left on its journey from Mariana, Minas Gerais, to the port and on to some foreign steel mill.

By then our family had already gone from “extremely comfortable” because of my father’s business successes … to dead broke because he took his eye off the ball and his local partner cleaned him out.  I already knew about scrubbing the bottles I gathered at a construction site in Alexandria, Virginia, in order to collect the 2-cent deposit.  (You see, the grocery store next door to the Rexall on the corner only accepted clean bottles.)  That was my allowance.  And I knew about my $5 Christmas money from my grandmother going towards paying for the fridge.

So I knew numbers.

Twenty years into my own career, with an MBA from the Wharton School of Finance under my belt, I found myself dead broke too.

Somehow, despite everything I knew about finance, I didn’t think I needed to follow the same rules I set out for my consulting clients.

I’ve talked elsewhere about how I lost everything.  And about how that triggered deep introspection and research to understand what had gone wrong.  (And how to “right” it.  Which I did.)

Today, after working with so many women whose upbringing and lack of financial education have kept them vulnerable, I’m very clear about a growing challenge facing our nation.  It’s something that has woven its way throughout my writings more and more this past year.  It’s something that has to be in place in order to successfully change one’s financial situation.

And that “something” is personal responsibility.

Time after time, I’d see that personal responsibility is the one differentiating factor between those women who succeed in turning their finances around and those who don’t.  Those who succeed do not consider themselves victims.  They do not assume they are “entitled” to things.  And they don’t make excuses for themselves.  Instead, they look honestly at their behaviors, determine those that are detrimental, “own” them, work to change them bit by bit, use every tool that’s handed them … and go on to thrive.

As we enter 2012, I realize that it’s no different for our country.

I see a country that is deep in debt, not “earning” enough (in tax revenues) and spending too much.  Not saving.  Not investing wisely.  I see a government that blames the situation on everything but itself, as if it were a victim.  I see a government that promotes entitlement, thereby diluting the personal responsibility of its players and its citizens even more.  I see a government that refuses to accept any blame and thrives on excuses.  And I see a government that is not going to play any role in the foreseeable future to change much of anything, regardless of what party plays what role.

So what are our options as individuals?

The mantle of personal responsibility has to settle on us.  We’ll have to get ourselves out of our own messes.  If the best aspects of “exceptionalism” that this country is known for are going to survive, and even thrive, it will be because as a people we choose to thrive.

By taking responsibility for our own debt, our own spending and our own investing for the future – by not counting on some government program to jumpstart the economy or supplement our income – we’ll take care of ourselves.  And, in the aggregate, we’ll move our country forward.

You’ve probably heard a phrase made famous by John F. Kennedy: “a rising tide lifts all boats.”  Well, surprise, surprise, looks like it’s up to us to provide the water.

So … here’s to thriving in 2012 … because of who we are.

Let me know in the comments below if you agree …

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve.

In case you’d rather listen, click here:

Forget Resolutions: Countdown to Twenty-Twelve

The holidays have peaked.  You’re sitting back, basking in the warmth of family joy.  There are leftovers in the fridge, and bags of torn wrappings for the garbage pickup.  (“Hmmm, there must be a more environmental way … but the kids do love to tear off that paper …”)

All the planning, all the adrenaline build-up, all the checklists made for a perfect couple of days.  Except that little glitch, of course, you know the one.  (There’s always one.  What was it this year?)

Your emotions ricochet between satisfaction and exhaustion and relief.  It’s over.  We made it past this first phase of the holidays.  Done.

Now starts the countdown to Twenty-Twelve.

This last third of December comes under some sort of “fantasy umbrella.”  Rules are broken.  We allow ourselves little no-no’s, and then say we’ll make up for them in the New Year.  And, after the tough year some of us have had, maybe we really deserve the respite.

But I challenge you to fit one new piece into the countdown to New Year’s.

Sure, you’re thinking of how you’re going to usher in the New Year.  Where you’ll go, what you’ll do, what you’ll wear, and if those holiday pounds will show.  Or, how to make that sensible stay-at-home celebration meaningful.  No, not meaningful.  Glorious!

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re also thinking “resolutions.”  Everyone is.  And everyone knows very few resolutions ever make it past January 5th.

So this year I propose a new little challenge.

In the next few days leading to the New Year, write down the five things you wish had been different in 2011.  Maybe you already know what they are and can write them down right now.  Maybe you need to let the task simmer in your brain for a few days, and let them come to the fore one by one.

By sometime around December 30th, be sure you have your list of five things.  Sit down over a cup of tea or coffee, somewhere quiet, and think of the opposite of each of those five things.

•    “I wish I didn’t have to work so hard and had more time for my family” becomes “I put in reasonable work hours and have more time for my family.”
•    “I wish it weren’t so hard to close out each month because my income is too small” becomes “It’s easy to close out each month because my income is large.”
•    “I wish I weren’t so tired all the time from carrying this extra weight” becomes “I’m full of energy because my weight is in a healthy range.”

Write them on a clean piece of paper.

At the top of the page, write “What 2012 Will Bring Me.”  Make it fancy.  Make it simple.  Do whatever you want, but “make it.”

Post your intentions for the year somewhere where you see them all the time:  over your computer, on the fridge door, in your top desk drawer.

Goals are supposed to be real specific:  losing 25 pounds, earning $35,000 more, for example.  But that’s how resolutions get broken, and then abandoned.

Instead of defining exactly how and what you’ll do, you’ve plotted out your direction for the year.  Your subconscious now knows what you want.  And each time you have a decision to make, looking at your list will help you decide which way to go.

I bet by the end of 2012 you’ll find you’ve made some major strides on some of the things you said you want.

Give it a try.  It’s infinitely better than making … and breaking … resolutions.  As we all do.

And, if you’d like to post one or two of your intentions in the comment section below (after all, some are too private to post!), please do so.  It might be just the incentive someone else needs!

Here’s to making Twenty-Twelve a truly stellar year!

Rather listen than read? Click here:

Holidays So What’s YOUR Normal

The holidays are almost here.  Despite the hubbub and flurry of activity, it can be a time of introspection for some, whether they’re in the middle of all the activity or not.

You may have heard that higher levels of depression, anxiety and suicide are somehow linked to the holidays.  The media brings up the “holiday blues” each year.  But they’re mistaken.  Experts from the Harvard Medical School find no such link.  In fact, they report research findings from various sources that prove that such statistics actually drop during the winter months.

But that doesn’t mean we’re not tempted to compare and contrast this season with other ones in the past.  And the comparison may be positive or negative.

If this season compares positively, bravo!  But if it compares negatively, here are just a few of the reasons we hear:

•    Times are tough, not quite what they used to be, and gifting will be pretty skimpy this year.

•    We’ll go through the paces of all the trappings, the extravagant gourmet meals and piles of presents under the tree … while we dread the January credit card statements.

•    Christmases weren’t so great when we were kids, maybe even a time of higher-than-usual stress, and we’d rather ignore them altogether.

•    We’ve moved and aren’t near all the people who made the holidays so special.

•    Someone we shared the holidays with is no longer with us, whether a loved one who’s gone or kids who are grown.

•    Holidays have just become too commercial and have lost much of their meaning.

•    And so on.

Regardless what anyone else thinks or says, I believe we owe it to ourselves to find a few quiet moments and get honest.  What are the emotions that the holidays are bringing up?  Whatever they are, instead of stuffing them down and pretending everything’s perfect … let them rise and recognize them.

And once you’re real clear about what’s going on inside you, identify that as your “normal.”  Everyone’s expectations of the holidays are different.  Everyone’s memories are different.  Everyone’s everyday reality is different.

How you decide to play out that normal is up to you.  Whether you decide to conform to the wishes of the majority, or buck expectations, or create brand new traditions … whatever you choose to do, there is no right or wrong.

Just be sure to give yourself the gift of honesty and clarity.  However you play it on the outside, make sure to play it with integrity on the inside.  Acknowledge your feelings.  Remember, whatever it is … it’s your normal.

Happy holidays!

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve.

Oh, our hidden insecurities!

Prefer to listen? Click here:

Hidden Insecurities

Sometimes, even when we look confident on the outside, we’re pulled off our game by little hidden insecurities that seem so petty. Let me know if this holds true for you.

It amazes me when it happens. I mean, I travel all over the world. I talk to presidents and prime ministers of countries. In four different languages. Most of the time nothing rattles me. But sometimes I get caught off guard …

Let me tell you how it last happened.

It’s Thanksgiving Day. It’s around 2:30 and I don’t have to be at Thanksgiving dinner at my friends’ house until 6. It’ll take 45 minutes to get there, so I have to leave by 5. (I’m always 10 or15 minutes late leaving the house, whether it’s feeding the cats or checking my email one last time, so I pad my timing …).

So, I should start bathing and cleaning up at 4. I hate to rush.

That leaves an hour and a half. It’s such a gorgeous day, maybe I’ll just do a little gardening. I have ample time to cut back some branches … and maybe the big palm fronds that have covered over the water feature … they’ve grown so tall.

I always get lost in my gardening. Once the branches and fronds were cut back, I noticed the huge ferns around the banyan had exploded. Beautiful, but overwhelming. And they were actually climbing up the tree! How? Well, the Vanda orchid has sent out masses of air roots that are attaching themselves to whatever they find and creating a sort of ladder for the ferns. Okay, I’ll cut back the ferns … I should still have time.

I finally got back inside and started the water for my bath. (Yes, I love baths. My mother used to draw one for me each morning and I’ve never let go of that memory.)

While the tub filled, I decided to check the Black Friday offer I had put up with help from Tiffany Johnson (she’s great at WordPress, by the way, if you need someone …). I figured I’d just change a thing or two, maybe the images. (Can you see where this is going?)

Suddenly it was almost five. Quick, into the bathtub! In … out … dry off.

Then the doubts began.

I have put on 3 pounds this month, so I’m no longer at my nice, new low weight. I’ll have to pick a top that hides it. (As if anyone but me would notice the 3 pounds.) And I had my hair cut this week. I said, “Let’s do something radical,” and radical it is. So short, my brothers wear their hair longer, and they’re conservative types. Super short, G.I. Jane-short, like half an inch on the sides. And are my ears too big? (My brothers called me Dumbo as a kid and I slept with bubble gum behind my ears, wearing a tight headband so my ears might bend back closer to my head.) Now I kept telling myself “I have a great shaped head, so it’s okay.” But doesn’t it look a little “unfeminine?”

(Does any of this sound at all familiar?)

Well, I’ll put on more makeup than usual. I’ll wear the sexy espadrilles I bought in France recently, and my tight jeans that slim me down. Stay casual, Sharon. I put on some super expensive necklaces, stunners, from Venice, Italy. Maybe no one will focus on my hair. And I threw on a soft, sloppy white cotton top that hides all ills. And that says, “I just threw myself together to come hang out for awhile …”

Maybe I don’t have to go. Oh, but my friend Marta will be so disappointed if I don’t show up. And, besides, what am I going to eat now, I haven’t planned anything else. Sharon, it’s Thanksgiving.

Besides, I’m all made up.

I love Marta and her immediate family, but I feel awkward with their extended family and friends. Maybe I’ll just stay home.

It’s 5:45 and I cannot drive 40 miles in 15 minutes. Even if I do drive fast.

I’ll call her and say I’m on my way, but late. I’ll say they should go ahead and eat if the food’s ready. I’ll just nudge my way into a table somewhere and have a glass of wine when I get there.

I got there at 6:40 with Marta texting me … lovingly … “Chica, where ARE you???”

Imagine, I used to fly from Rio to Buenos Aires to get my hair cut. (You can bet I never said, “Let’s do something radical.”) And I’ve worked the dangerous border between Colombia and Venezuela, where they kidnap people. I take on challenges without a second thought, things many people would never even think of doing.

Yet three pounds, an overly short haircut and some perfectly nice people I don’t know are enough to turn me into Jell-O. Pull out all my insecurities.

Am I the only one? Does this happen to you? What do you think causes it?

Let me know in the comment section below.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53:  her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. But yet she did! Since then, Sharon has interviewed countless women and done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve.

Holiday gifting, or “How A Silly Email Makes More Sense Than The President.”

Rather listen to the audio?  Click here:

Holiday Gifting, Think Local

Good news!  You can actually make a difference.  At least you can if you enroll every one of your friends, and maybe even a few enemies.

How’s that?

Well, our manufacturing jobs have skedaddled off to Malaysia, China and Vietnam.  No need to rehash all the reasons why.  But, as someone who deals in international trade, I can tell you that all those containers that are coming across the Pacific Ocean … full … are returning empty.

To put it in perspective, in October alone, about 1.3 million 20-foot containers arrived at U.S. ports.  (That was down 2 percent from last year, because retailers are expecting a slow holiday season.  But it’s still huge!)

Thanks to all that importing, anywhere you look you can buy some useless trinket that’s made at almost slave-labor costs in some far-off giant factory.  And worst of all, those trinkets are filling the shelves of Wal-Mart and putting yet another Mom-and-Pop store out of business.

Enter the email.

I delete about 95 percent of the email that lands in my box.  Most of it is nonsense.  But one I got this week was brilliant.  This is what it proposed.

Think local.  Think out of the box.  Think “let’s pull ourselves up by our own bootstraps.”

As the holidays approach, who says we need to buy things that we then wrap in glitzy paper produced in China?  (Heck, do they even know who Santa is?)

We keep hearing that we’ve become a service economy, right?  Well, why not give each other services instead of filling the coffers of foreign manufacturers and mega-retailers?  A side benefit is that we wouldn’t have to get up at 2 a.m. on Black Friday and risk life and limb outside the local Best Buy or Target to get one of the ten below-cost plasma TVs.

Let’s look at the alternatives.

Does your brother need his driveway resurfaced?  Give him a gift certificate to a local service.  Are the handrails on his porch steps shaky?  Cut a deal with a local contractor.  Does your mother live in the snow belt and have no one to shovel her walkway?  Pay a teenager enough to shovel her out all winter and tell her about it in a card.  (And get your kids to make the card, or buy one from a local artist.)

Looking for something less pricey?  Everyone loves to eat out and there are tons of local owner-run restaurants.  Give gift certificates.  Do you know someone’s favorite breakfast eatery?  Give them gift certificates for five breakfasts at the local coffee joint.  Need to gift teenagers?  What about pizzas from the local pizzeria?

What about maintaining our cars?  I know someone would love a certificate for a car detail in a local detail shop, or a book of certificates for local car washes.  Or oil changes.

What else could you do to stimulate the local economy more than the last failed attempt that cost us $787 billion?  Give certificates to the local hair salon, nail salon or barber.  What about a gym membership … a month or two with a personal trainer … or a few sessions at the local yoga place?

The list is endless:  lawn mowing, rounds of golf, house cleaning, dry cleaning, window cleaning, dog walking, baby-sitting and computer tune-ups for a start.

Local crafts people will gladly make customized gifts and local bakers will do the same.  Local theaters offer holiday plays, or season tickets.  Musicians play at local bars.

The key to finding the perfect gift is this:  what does the person most hate to do, or not have the money to do, or absolutely love to do?  Find one of those three things, get them a certificate for it and you can’t miss.

In return, your community will thrive.  They say that if you buy a string of Chinese lights for five dollars, only fifty cents stays in the community.  If you get more creative in your gifting, you can leave the majority of the money in the community.  And save some local businesses in the process.

It’s time to take back holiday giving.  It’s no longer about draining our pockets so another glittering city can be built in China.  It’s about taking care of our own, and encouraging American small businesses to keep their doors open, and maybe even hire an extra employee or two.  It’s about keeping the entrepreneurial dream alive.

It’s time for a new form of revolution:  one of caring about each other.

And we can start right now!

If you can think of any other suggestions, please share them in the comments section below.  Happy Revolution!

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, Sharon has interviewed countless women and done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve.

Click to hear the audio (under 8 minutes):

Safe Holiday Shopping

Holiday shopping!  Black Friday alerts are popping up all over my email these days, a sure sign that the peak holiday shopping season can’t be far away.

Excitement’s up, precaution’s down.  And, like all the scumbags that appear right after a major hurricane to take advantage of people who have their guard down, the scammers and pickpockets are going into hyper drive.

As someone who hopes you think twice (or three or four times) before spending senselessly on gifts … because I’m concerned about your long-term financial well-being … I know when I’m licked.  So if I can’t save you from yourself, I may as well at least try to save you getting taken by outsiders.

According to the security company Symantec/Norton, $114 billion were lost last year through global cyber crime, or deceptive online practices.  Lost time related to that accounted for $274 billion more.  Together, that’s more than the value of the global black market in marijuana, cocaine and heroin combined!

More than two thirds of online adults have been a victim of cyber crime in their lifetime. Fourteen adults become a victim of cyber crime every second, resulting in more than one million cyber crime victims every day.  Now 10 percent of adults online have experienced cyber crime on their mobile phone as well.  And those numbers are growing.

But you already know about all the online protections you should take:

1.    If you go to a URL from another website or email, double check the URL to be sure you haven’t been redirected somewhere else.
2.    Before putting your payment information into a site, be sure the URL starts with “https” instead of “http.”  And look for the little closed padlock icon in your browser window.  At least you’ll be on a secure website.
3.    Use credit cards instead of debit cards, because you have more recourse if you do land in a scammer’s grasp.  And Paypal is even better since the seller never sees your credit card information.
4.    On big-ticket items, you might be asked security questions.  These authentication questions are for your own protection … as long as you’re talking to a real retailer.
5.    The 3- or 4-digit security number on your card plays the same role.  Only you (and someone who has stolen your card!) would have it as it’s physically on your card.  If the card has been stolen, hopefully the merchant will ask for your billing address zip code, which a thief would not know.

And when you go fight the crowds, which some of you will, here are a few well-known tips about “What’s In YOUR Wallet”:

1.    Only take cards you know you’re going to need.  If you still have a boatload of them, leave most of them at home so it’s less devastating if a pickpocket decides to relieve you of that fat wallet in your back pocket or purse.
2.    If you carry checks, be sure they don’t have your Social Security Number on them.  And having your address and phone number at work printed on checks is a lot smarter than those at home.
3.    Instead of signing the back of your credit cards, write “Photo ID Required” in the signature space.
4.    Before you venture out to malls and big box stores, spread every card on a copier and copy both sides of every license, credit card, etc.  That goes for your Social Security card too.  And leave the copies at home, safely filed where only you know where they are.  What you can take with you, but shouldn’t leave in your wallet or purse, is a listing of stolen-card alert numbers at:

•    Visa (1-800-847-2911)
•    Mastercard (1-800-627-8372)
•    Discover (1-800-347-2683)
•    Equifax (1-800-525-6285)
•    Experian/TRW (1-888-397-3742)
•    TransUnion (1-800-680-7289)
•    Social Security fraud line (1-800-269-0271)

There, I made it easier.  Print this page and cut out the numbers.  And remember to call all of the ones that apply immediately after a loss.
5.    If something awful does happen, be sure to file a police report in the jurisdiction where it happened, not once you get back home.  It’s no guarantee that they’ll ever find the criminals, but at least you can prove to card issuers that you did your due diligence.  And once home, notify your card issuers in writing as well, immediately.

This is all information that circulates pretty freely, so I’m just serving as your reminder service.  But I’d like to share the extra steps I take because I take my money, as well as my personal identity, super seriously.

1.    If I’m searching for a certain product online and Google it, I don’t follow a link haphazardly because it’s too easy for shadow sites to be created around popular products.  The goal of such sites is to obtain my personal information directly or by putting malware on my computer.  Instead, I find out where the product is being sold and I type in the online or offline retailer’s URL directly.
2.    I bought an RFID wallet online from TamperSeal that fits my passport and the few credit cards I carry.  (No, I have no affiliation; I just love the product and their service.) Thanks to a thin metal mesh inside the leather, the RFID chip on those documents can’t be read, so my personal information can’t be harvested by anyone who’s sneaky enough to buy an RFID chip reader.  Card issuers claim there is no danger, but I’d rather be safe than sorry.
3.    I pay for one of those identify-theft protection services.  I saw the level of protection it provided when I tried to buy my first big-ticket item after activating it, and I consider the service one more welcome layer of protection.
4.    Even if we buy everything on credit cards, and not on the less-protected debit cards, eventually we need to make a payment out of a bank account, even if it’s just for the credit card balance.  And then there are all those online payments we make:  phone, lights, cable, internet, etc.  I have only one bank account that has online access to it, and I monitor the activity on that account by looking at it online every day.  That’s partly for safety, and partly because of the connectedness it gives me to my money.  My money remains “physical” in my brain, and not invisible “funds” that move about at the click of a mouse.
5.    Lastly, to be sure I limit my exposure in that account, I move money into it periodically.  But to sleep really well at night, I don’t transfer money in from another account.  I physically go to the other bank, take out the cash I’ve budgeted and drive it to deposit in the bank with the online account.  Call me crazy.  Call me paranoid.  I call it “safe.”

As Sergeant Phil Esterhaus used to say at the end of roll call on Hill Street Blues, “Let’s be careful out there.”

And let us know in the comment section below if you have any other suggestions you’d like to share.

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Bio:Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. But yet she did! Since then, Sharon has interviewed countless women and done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve.

Click below to listen …

Audio Conferences Fuel Purpose

“More conferences?  Why the heck would you go to another conference?  Why put up with all the hassle: the travel, inconvenience and cost?  Don’t you already know enough?”

That’s what people asked as I headed out to yet another big conference in a big hotel in a big city.

It meant getting ahead of my business by 4 or 5 days so I could leave it on autopilot.  It meant coordinating everything on the home front so that could run smoothly in my absence.

And it meant breaking out a winter jacket as I’d be submitting my body to temperatures it doesn’t like … and thankfully doesn’t suffer … in warm, sunny Florida.

Here’s the rest of the downside:

1.    Eating:  My eating patterns are rudely altered, and I inevitably come home with a few extra pounds packed on my hips.  Somehow, knowing I’ll be far from my refrigerator and pantry triggers fears of being “food-less in the desert,” and I load my suitcase with things I never eat at home.  (Go figure!)

2.    Sleeping:  I don’t sleep as well.  No matter how many pillow tops they add to the hotel mattress, no matter if they do put handy foot-level “headlights” on the night table that go on automatically when I put my first foot down to stumble to the bathroom at 3 a.m., it’s never like home.

3.    Everything else:  All the little things take more effort than at home, whether it’s checking email, washing my hair or catching a little TV news.

But it’s all worthwhile.  And here’s why:

1.    The people:  I shared time and deepened a friendship with a colleague … and my friendships are priceless.  I visited with a mentor in a new environment and that added a layer to the relationship.  Most important, I got to know someone I have admired from a distance for awhile, someone I somehow think could be pivotal in how I build my business and in helping me remove some stubborn personal obstacles.

2.    The knowledge:  I always find valuable nuggets tucked into the various presentations, and each one helps build some part of my business.  It may be a phrase, or a concept, or an actual case study – but, whatever it is, it enriches what I’m doing or makes it easier to achieve.  On this trip, the greatest single nugget came from a vendor/exhibitor that offers a done-for-you service I had never heard of, one that blasts open a whole new segment for my business.

3.    The renewal:  Travel the halls and ballrooms of a big conference, answering the question “So what do you do?” and notice the pride that grows each time you respond.  Also watch how other people’s reactions contribute tidbits or ideas to how you see your own business.  Add to that any verbal strategy sessions you have with new or old friends and acquaintances … and your business takes on a whole new glow.

But I’ve left the best for last.  Despite the petty frustrations and inconveniences that come with the territory when you participate in conferences, the greatest gift is how your purpose and determination are revitalized.

And where are we without purpose?  If we take our money as an example, we may have a healthy emotional relationship with money and a solid handle on it by knowing precisely where we stand in dollars and cents.  But if we lack purpose, we hog-tie our motivation to get anywhere or achieve anything because we don’t know where we’re headed.

Our businesses and our passions are no different.  It’s critical to keep that motivating flame fanned.  We cannot allow doubt and fuzzy thinking to dull our spirit.

In short, here’s what the investment in a high-caliber conference does:  it enriches your friendships, sharpens your knowledge, adds to your arsenal of ideas and, most of all, fires up your passion and your purpose.

I’m thrilled to be home.  My suitcase is unpacked and my kitty cats are ecstatic.  I’m bone-tired and dreaming of getting horizontal on my own bed.  But I’m infinitely richer than I was on Wednesday when I left.

Tomorrow I start implementing.

What are you doing to nurture yourself on all those fronts?  Let me know in the comment section below.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. But yet she did! Since then, Sharon has interviewed countless women and done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve.