My 5-minute audio shares Perry Marshall’s wisdom here:

Perry and the Pink KoolAid

I feel like a mama pit bull watching over the wallets of her online readers.  I don’t want to see any more of you throw your precious money down the proverbial drain.  So here goes:

Well, the Universe must have been listening.

Last week I wrote about how online business is not just a matter of pushing an Easy Button.  And one of two things happened.

Either (1) there was some strange energy wafting through the atmosphere that awakened several “gurus” to the number of people getting ripped off in the industry.  Or (2) like when you buy a new white XYZ car that you thought was unique, suddenly you see them on every highway, in every driveway and in every other parking slot at the mall.

I saw all sorts of people decrying how mean and awful the online arena can be.  And today I read an article that told me I had to write about the topic again.

An email popped up in my mailbox this morning.  It linked to an article by Perry Marshall about “KoolAid® drinkers” and he said all the right things.  So I’m linking to that article with two direct comments:  first, Perry is known for being an all-around good guy and, second, I know nothing about the product he is endorsing, so I leave it entirely to the reader’s discretion to decide if any further action is warranted.

What I most want to do is to dedicate just one more week’s article to the theme of online business, because the response to last week’s article was so strong.

Rather than reinvent the wheel, I decided to summarize what Perry said.  And want to give him full credit for this content.

Here’s what his email said his article was about:

Quote

“Today I’m going to give you some straight talk about:
1) How ordinary real people get scammed out of their money online, and
2) How ordinary real people actually make money online, or in any new business for that matter.”

Unquote

And here are ten things I gleaned from his article.

1. You can make a little money as an affiliate marketer, selling other people’s products, but it will never make you rich.
2. Too many people try to be in the “how to make money on the Internet” niche without the online skills to compete with the big dogs.  And they own the niche.
3. How you’re taught to make it in that niche is the equivalent of a glorified chain letter, with everyone looking for more newbies to chop up as “chum,” bait for their next fishing venture.
4. If you haven’t succeeded at something, you have no right to be trying to teach others how to succeed at it.
5. The A-level “marketing and make-money” experts are happy to take your money, although they know you’ll likely just be another statistic … because they feel if they don’t take your money, someone else will.  And they’re probably right.
6. Knocking off other people’s concepts or products only works for so long, even if you’re doing so at a lower price.
7. Before you suit up to make a million dollars online, follow the solid, sustainable steps to make your first dollar there.  Then repeat-improve-repeat.
8. Capitalize on your own individuality rather than buy into a pre-packaged business where you’re just one of many doing the same thing.
9. Be sure you are totally inside your potential customers’ heads and that you really know your subject.  Otherwise you will miss the mark in your marketing … or  eventually be abandoned for being a lightweight.
10. If you fail over and over again at some endeavor (and just thinking about it makes your stomach turn), let it go.  Something in your formula is obviously wrong.  Stop, clear your head and reassess where to put your energies.  And, should you decide to continue doing something online …

Lastly, Perry shares a simple-but-thorough exercise you can use to figure out what you truly love, know a lot about and will never get bored teaching and/or selling.  As he told his friend Anita, “From that you can form a USP [that’s a Unique Selling Proposition], determine something unique to sell, have a ready-made understanding of the customers who buy that sort of thing, and have a MUCH easier go of it.”

If this article tweaked any concerns about what you’re doing to build a business online today, let us know in the comments section below.  There’s no reason for false pride here.  After all, we can all learn from one another.

Thank you, Perry!

About Perry Marshall

Entrepreneur Magazine says: “Perry Marshall is the #1 author and world’s most-quoted consultant on Google Advertising. He has helped over 100,000 advertisers save literally billions of dollars in Adwords stupidity tax.”

He is referenced across the Internet and by The Washington Post, USA Today, and the Chicago Tribune.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers are shared in her posts, articles and an upcoming book. Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

If you’d like to listen, click this link:

Online Business The Easy Button

Not everyone is a born entrepreneur.  I don’t know if it is something that’s in your genes.  But I know some people are more natural entrepreneurs than others.

Yet if you look on the internet these past few years, all you hear is that it’s easy to build an online business.  Just come up with a concept, build a website, drive people to it and make money.

Like at Staples®, it’s an Easy Button.

Well, the Easy Button isn’t as easy as you think.

And this article will make some of my readers uncomfortable.

Take this scenario:

Marilyn’s husband Pete had been the breadwinner from the time she gave up her Human Resources job to have kids.  And four months ago, Pete was let go from his job and hasn’t been able to find something else in this tough economy.

They had saved, but those savings are getting eaten up rapidly by their living expenses.  And, yes, they’re being careful.

So, individually or together, they need to find a solution to the lousy job market.  Maybe they’ll start an online business.

Or here’s another:

Marcella’s been divorced for a number of years and, with the child support she was getting, she could make ends meet.  Now her daughter Tina is over 21, so that extra money’s no longer there each month.  

These past few years Marcella has gotten more and more interested in personal development.  She’s been reading books forever, starting back with A Course in Miracles, and has invested in virtually every related conference that comes to the Seattle area.

At the last conference she attended, her friend Sue said, “Marcella, you could be teaching this stuff!  Why don’t you put up a website and start building a business around all you know?”

“You’re right, Sue.  I’ll look online and see if there are some courses I could take on how to build an online business.”

Two factors have led to what looks like the California Gold Rush of 1849 … masses of people rushing to build businesses on the internet.

First, the apparent barriers to entry look so low.  After all, all you need is a domain name, a hosting account, an idea and a website.  Second, so many of those selling “how to build an online business” say it’s so easy.

I see two problems:

Number One, regardless what you call it, it’s a business.  It just happens to use the internet as one of its marketing tools.  But it still requires a winning concept, a plan, a budget, a learning curve and all the elements of traditional business.

Let’s compare an online business to a brick-and-mortar t-shirt printing business.  For the latter, you’d rent a space on Main Street, fix up the inside, bring in silk-screening equipment and learn to use it.  The UPS man would bring the blank shirts you ordered, you’d find customers to order them, you’d print them and the UPS man would come pick them up to deliver to your customers.

In relative terms, in an online business, you’d rent a space on the internet (hosting), fix up the inside (your website), bring in equipment and learn to use it (Word Press, social media, graphics, SEO, etc.).  But to have an online product to sell, you’d not just print the pre-made t-shirts.

You’d have to start at the beginning:  till the soil.  Then grow the cotton.  And spin the yarn.  Then weave the fabric.  And finally make the actual shirt.  In online terms, that means first finding out what your potential clients want.  Then coming up with a solid idea.  Then learning to write effective copy.  Then generating the content and writing the sales materials.  And eventually pulling the actual products together to sell.

Because, unless you’re running an affiliate business online where you’re selling other people’s products, that’s what you’re going to have to do to have something viable to sell.  Plus all the normal tasks of marketing, accounting, customer service, etc.

And Number Two, starting and running any business requires certain skills not typically developed when working for others.

It requires entrepreneurial skills.  That means being a self-starter.  It means not just being focused, but knowing the critical path to get from bright idea to successful enterprise.  Knowing what’s important and what’s not.  And it means knowing how all the parts fit into the whole.

Some people are born entrepreneurs.  Others absorb the entrepreneurial spirit and necessary skills by osmosis, working for other effective entrepreneurs.  And, lastly, some learn through conscious training with a genuine, capable mentor.

But none of it comes from an Easy Button.

And it pains me to see the masses of people floundering in online businesses that do nothing but drain precious time and even more precious monetary resources, month after month, without any return.

The economic downturn has put so many good, caring people in the vulnerable position of having to be what they are not … entrepreneurs … in hopes of providing for themselves and for their families.

The big question is how one decides if the efforts are actually going to result in a successful business or not.  When is it time to stop investing?  When is it time to accept that it’s not as easy-peasy as it’s made out to be … and the one making the greatest amount of money is the one selling the Easy Button?

I don’t know the answer.  It’s different for everyone.  But I do know that the question has to be asked.

Go ahead, sound off at me in the comments if you don’t agree.  I hope you can tell me that I’m wrong.

xxxxxxx

Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers are shared in her posts, articles and an upcoming book. Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Rather listen in under 4 minutes? Click the link:

Girls Can’t Add

It’s true that our parents and our teachers told us we didn’t have to bother our pretty little heads with things like arithmetic.  Besides, it would be harder for us to find a husband if we were too smart …

Sound familiar?  Well, this was a carryover from our mothers’ and grandmothers’ social reality, perhaps, but not ours.

However, traces of this nonsense still lingered when Baby Boomers were growing up, and it resulted in many girls turning off to math as teens.  The social pressures may have softened a bit over the years since then, but somehow the belief about women’s difficulty with numbers has persisted.

So a lot of women have thrown up their hands and declared it impossible for them to “do finances.”

They’ve claimed it was their biology … and that they were just reflecting  biological differences in the math aptitudes of boys and girls.

Turns out, instead the difference was almost entirely social.  In fact, we can forget biology, as “social equality” seems to be what plays a dominant role in any actual test results.

Here’s the proof:  PISA, or the Programme for International Student Assessment, is part of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD).   In 2006, over 275,000 15-year-old students in 40 countries took the PISA test.

Globally, girls did score 7 percent better in reading than boys and, on average, did 2 percent worse in math.  But the math gap wasn’t consistent.

It seems the math gap shifted depending on how much “social equality” existed in each country.  In Iceland, for example, the girls outscored the boys in math by 2 percent.  Yet in Turkey, boys outpaced girls in math by 4 percent.   The performance differences implied a direct correlation with the status of women, even if the correlation wasn’t perfect.

Now, the U.S. is a country where women enjoy a high social status.  Yet we continue to let this minute global difference hold us back.

Add to that excuse the myth that we have to be good at numbers in order to get control over our finances.  (And some women do use this myth as an excuse to not even try.)

One small detail:  we’re not talking about rocket science here.

The only exception would be if we’re into real sophisticated investments in our portfolios and we’re analyzing a beta coefficient, or risk factor.   But, short of that, everything we need to get control over our finances we learned before the sixth grade.  We can add, subtract, multiply and divide, can’t we?

So this myth is debunked!

On the other hand, it’s possible that the real resistance isn’t “being good at numbers,” but rather what the numbers might tell us.

Shelves of books exist on the role of self-worth, fear, blame, guilt and shame in people’s unwillingness to know where they stand financially.  We won’t go into all the details here, but everyone I’ve worked with has told me (once they were willing to get honest about their financial reality) that it was never as bad as they had imagined.

It rarely is.  But when we don’t know the truth about our numbers, we imagine the absolute worst.  And that paralyzes us.

Yet by knowing the numbers, they suddenly hold far less power over us.  Like magic.  They become just numbers.

So do you think it’s time to come out from behind the myths and get honest with what you own, what you owe, what you earn and what you spend?

Let me know in the comment section below if the “Girls Can’t Add” belief has kept you from getting real clarity on your numbers …

xxxxxxx

Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers are shared in her posts, articles and an upcoming book. Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Prefer a “4-minute listen”? Click the link:

Scarcity, The Game of Winners and Losers

“Grab a seat, Suzie.  Quick, grab any seat!” shouted little Suzie’s mother.

And soon would come Suzie’s first lesson in scarcity.

How did it start?

Suzie was all excited about going to her very first birthday party.  She had on her new blue dress, along with her black Mary Janes.  She was going to be with all her friends from pre-school, at a party with clowns and games.  There might even be some new kids to play with, her mother said.

At the party, she asked if her mother was staying with her.  “Of course, honey.  I’ll be here.  So just go and play with your friends.”

Off Suzie went to run around, chasing her friends in a game of tag.  Suzie knew her mother was somewhere in the distance, keeping an eye on her.  She was careful not to scuff her shoes too badly, but, oh, this was so much fun.

Suddenly Mrs. Turner announced that it was time to play some games.  They all gathered  under the covered area closer to the house where a string of chairs were all lined up, some facing one way, some facing the other.  “Skip around the chairs, children, all in one direction, until the music stops, and then sit in the closest chair.”

So off they went, skipping happily to the music.  And when it stopped, Susie saw a chair and sat down.  Others scampered around, looking for a chair to sit in.  And when the commotion was over, Andy was still standing.  Mrs. Turner said, “Okay, Andy, you’re out of the game.”

Out of the game?

And the music started again.

This time Suzie didn’t want to get too far from a chair facing her way, skipping along but searching for the next available chair.  Again the music stopped and she was safe; she had a chair.  But Jessica didn’t, so she was “out of the game” too.

This went on for awhile, with the pressure mounting as there were fewer and fewer children, and even fewer chairs.

And suddenly there were just two other children … and two chairs.

The music started and Suzie could hear her mother chanting, “Grab a seat, Suzie.  Quick, grab a seat!”

The music stopped and Suzie was left standing.  She had tried to get into a chair, but Petey had pushed her aside.  She looked over to her mother for a clue of what to do or how to react.  All she could see was either disappointment or disinterest.  She didn’t know which, but it didn’t feel like good news.  She hadn’t been fast enough.

Moments later, Petey would almost knock Missy to the ground as he twisted his body onto the last chair … and claim the prize.  Petey was the winner.  Suzie and all the others were the losers.

~~~~~~~~~

Whenever I ask women where they got their notions and negative emotions about money, I always hear things like “Oh, I don’t remember.  But I know I had a really normal, happy childhood.  I didn’t get any negative messages from my parents.  So I don’t know where I might have picked up this habit of buying things on impulse…”

Yet from the day we start interacting with another human being, usually starting with our mothers, we are gathering messages in our still-forming brains.  Up to age six or so, we are functioning in our subconscious brains, until our conscious brains kick in with a growing ability to judge right from wrong, true from false.

Yet in this undiscerning phase, each of those messages registers in our brains as “truth” unless and until something comes along to disprove it later.  And the majority of the messages were not meant as they seemed; most came from adults unaware of the impact they were having, with just a gesture or a comment … or a tone of voice.

If you’re wondering why you have certain money behaviors that don’t seem to have any rational source, you might want to spend a little time thinking back to beliefs that are sitting quietly in your brain, just waiting to be disproved or dismissed.

The first one is the belief that everything in life is based in scarcity.  And now you know where it may have come from.

Can you think of any others?  Let me know in the comment section below.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her Over Fifty and Financially Free coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

If you’d rather listen than read, click the link:

Your Money and the Two Wolves

You’ve probably already heard this story:

An old Cherokee is teaching his grandson about life, and says, “A fight is going on inside me.”

“It is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves. One is evil – he is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.” He continues, “The other is good – he is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. The same fight is going on inside you – and inside every other person, too.”

The grandson thinks for a moment and then asks his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?”

The old Cherokee wisely says, “The one you feed.”

I love this story, but hadn’t heard it before today.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized it applies to virtually every aspect of our lives.  How we handle our friendships and our intimate relationships … our jobs or businesses … and, yes, even our money.

Let me give you an example.  Say you walk up to 50 people and ask, “Would you like to have financial peace of mind?”  How many people do you think would say “yes”?  (I would be very surprised if the number weren’t very near 50  … unless they got sidetracked asking what exactly you meant by “financial peace of mind.”)

So we can start with the premise that no one wants to be in debt.  No one wants to lie in bed at night worrying about how to meet the existing bills, or how to be sure one emergency won’t push them over the edge financially, or how to hold on to the savings already accumulated that are at risk of disappearing with the tumultuous economy.  No one wants to be poor, broke, cleaned out, in debt up to his or her eyeballs and ducking credit companies and bill collectors.  No one wants that.

So what makes the difference between those who reach financial peace of mind and those who do not?

Think of this:  there is no lack of information on what is required to get your financial house in order.  (The internet is loaded with it.)  And there is no dearth of people and services available to you in your community, your church, your library or your friends and family.

Once again, what is the difference?

Now, I’m not saying that in order to reach financial peace of mind you have to be a goody two-shoes, focused only on love, hope, humility, empathy and compassion.  But I am saying that it’s unlikely you’ll get there from a place of envy, greed, self-pity or false pride.

To bring it back to words I use more commonly when I write:  to reach financial peace of mind you have to (1) be willing to be open to understanding what baggage you bring forward from your childhood as mistaken money messaging, and let it go.  No ego.  No self-pity.   Just compassion.

You have to (2) be willing to look at your financial situation honestly, putting things down in black and white, with no squiggling or squirming.  No deceit.  No little lies.  Just truth.

And you have to (3) have clarity about what’s important to you way down deep (as in your life purpose) in order to have the motivation to do everything that’s needed to reach financial security.  No anger or arrogance.  Just pure vision.  And belief.

Honestly, now: do you ever hear yourself saying “I just want all of this mess to disappear and I don’t want to have to worry about money anymore”?   Or “Why do I work so hard and everyone else seems to be better off than I am?”  And then, even if you do come up with a plan that could change everything for you, do you then abandon it after three or four days?

Do you find that, no matter how often you talk about it, you seem to be stuck in the same place?

If so, what wolf do you think you’re feeding?

Let me know in the comment section below if you think there’s any chance you could be focusing on the wrong things, and feeding the wrong wolf.

xxxxxxx

Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her Over Fifty and Financially Free coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Click the link to listen, if you like …

Does the Acorn Fall Far from the Tree?

The air was a little sultry when I lowered my window to give my name to the guard.  One phone call later and the huge 15-foot, scrolled-metal gates opened to let me into the condo property.  Lush landscaping dotted my route to the building where I had come to have dinner with some old friends, Phil and Elise.

They were here from Europe, enjoying the waterfront investment property they rent out by the week, mostly to other Europeans.  But fewer of their countrymen are traveling because they’re panicked over the future of Europe … and of the Euro.  So this year they had their choice of when to come enjoy the Florida sunshine.

And this year their son Jonathan wasn’t with them, so I asked how he was.

As expected, they said things were going really well.  Jon had taken his wife and child up into the mountains skiing, for a well-deserved vacation.  They were relaxing with other young couples in the family.

I remember him from his early teens.  His parents and I did business together 20 years ago; in fact, they repped one of my lines in Europe.  He came with them to Florida each year to visit his grandparents and I remember first meeting the pretty girl who would become his wife.

I also remember Jon talking about a concept he had for a business.  He was getting out of college, just about the time his parents were thinking of selling their business and taking early retirement.  They helped him get the concept off the ground.

Today his company offers mandatory training to most every major corporation in his country, both public and private.  Phil explained proudly how he was now renting Jon the offices he and Elise had grown into years earlier, before selling the business.  He talked about how his son had started at home too, working with his wife.  How they needed to expand those offices now because the business was growing by leaps and bounds.

I said, “Jon’s such a natural.  He moved into business ownership as if he had been trained for it all his life.”  And he had been.

Jon watched his parents build their business from the house.  When he was three or four, if they had a meeting at the bank, he went with them, taking his coloring books along but half listening to the conversation.  Dinner table talk was peppered with shop talk.  He heard what to do.  And what not to do.  No wonder he’s such a natural.

Today, despite the uncertainty in much of Europe, Jon’s business is blossoming.  Profitably.  He learned from his parents not to have a business with inventory, hence he trains trainers and offers training nationwide.  (No inventory.)  He learned about cash flow, so instead of having to wait 30 or 60 days for payment, he factors his invoices at a 3-4-5% discount, but has his money before he even has to pay his trainers.  And so on.

And his 6-year-old son is watching his parents grow their business, from a home-based start-up to a healthy enterprise.

Now, we don’t all have such perfect situations to model.  But the lesson is that we do indeed model ourselves after our parents, either reflecting or rejecting what they did.

In my case, my father was extremely entrepreneurial, to the point of irresponsibility.  He traveled incessantly, which made him an absentee father.  He dragged us through high peaks of wealth and low valleys of being broke.  Like a Pied Piper, he tried to convince us everything was okay.  My mother, on the other hand, was the rock.  She tried to hang on to her traditional role as wife and mother.  But, when needed, she was the one who went out and worked to keep a roof over our heads and to keep us clothed and fed the best she could.

Curious how the four of us kids turned out.

My older sister married someone who would ensure she’d never have to live with the instability my mother did.  My oldest brother reacted by working in global corporations where his rise to the top included long stints overseas, raising his kids much as we were raised, except with stability.  My other brother identified most closely with my mother, and carefully invested his solid income from solid engineering jobs he did all over the world.  All three made financial security their primary goal.

And I replicated my father to a tee.  By 19 I was starting businesses, and let my insatiable curiosity take me from one thing to another.  From one country to another.  (Life was an adventure, right?)  The biggest difference between us was that I never had children so any irresponsibility hurt no one but myself.  But I certainly drank the Kool-Aid.

I had to hit the wall financially at 53 before I looked deeply at my patterns and recognized that they would never take me to a peaceful retirement.  Instead, they’d keep me on the financial edge, as they did my father until he died at 63.  I was living a hidden vow of loyalty to my father that was stronger than my good sense.

I invested the time and energy to thoroughly understand money, the role it plays in our lives, the influence our families play in our finances … and how we can change our trajectories.

So here’s my suggestion:

Take a moment to look honestly at where you stand financially.  Then look at how you were raised.  Revisit the role played by each parent and define how much you reflect or reject each one.  Look at any hidden vows you may have made to be just like one parent … or never to be like another.

Be brave enough, if there is something you don’t like, to change it … regardless of whose feelings you think you might hurt.

You do not owe anyone a vow of loyalty to the point of putting your own financial peace of mind at risk.  Your only vow of loyalty should be to yourself and to your loved ones … to provide the greatest amount of well being you can.

And remember one more thing:  that does not necessarily mean tons of money.  It means whatever “well being” means to you.

Leave a comment below if any of this feels familiar …

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her Over Fifty and Financially Free coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Maybe you’d rather listen? Click here:

Why Is It So Hard To Ask?

Twenty-four people are sitting in a high-level coaching session.

They are assigned a task:  that of breaking into groups of six and, within two hours, seeing how much money they can raise.  The rules of the game include not being able to leave the hotel where the session is being held and not using any of their own money.

Two hours passed.  What then unfolded was fascinating.

The first group got up and reported that they had selected a child from the Make-A-Wish Foundation and contacted the venues of everything that made up his wish.  They got the hotels and relevant companies to commit to freebies.  Then they went to their email, Facebook and other social media and got their friends and fans to commit to donating directly to the Make-A-Wish site.  All told, they raised over $4,000 in cash and kind.

The second group got up and announced that they could never even agree on a concept.  Instead, the exercise turned into a personal development session with all sorts of tears, breakthroughs and aha’s.  But no money.

The other two groups reported differing levels of success, landing somewhere between those two extremes.

Then the session leader revealed the purpose of the exercise:  “to test your ability to ask.”

To ask.  Sounds so simple.

But think about it.  How difficult is it for you to ask someone to pay you money they owe you?  Whether for services already rendered or money they borrowed.

How hard is it to ask for help when you need it?  Or how hard is it to ask someone for a favor?

Are we worried about being indebted to others?  Or being a burden?  Are we afraid we will be showing our weakness or vulnerability – our soft underbelly – if we don’t present an exterior of steel?

Think about how far our civilization has come.  For example, what ever happened to neighbor-helping-neighbor, as in the old days?  Do you remember hearing about the famous barn raisings, where an entire community came together and built a barn for a family?  Of course no chits were ever exchanged because they all knew that one day someone else would have a need, they would ask and the same community would meet the need with grace.

What are we so afraid of?

Are we afraid the person will say no to our request for help?  Well, that could happen.  But is it the end of the world?  There may be a perfectly logical reason why they’d have to say no in that specific instance that is no reflection whatsoever on our worth, ability or intelligence.

Are we afraid the person will think we’re only after their money if we ask them to look at our business venture or opportunity?  Well, that too could happen.  However, to not ask could mean we prevent them from accessing or getting involved with something that could bring them tremendous value … all because we were afraid.

What’s even  more important is that by not asking, we may be denying someone else the possibility of feeling really good about themselves.  After all, think about how good we usually feel when we can do something to help others.

Like the old barn raisings, we’re not meant to go through life doing everything alone.  But I admit that I have trouble asking for help and don’t  know how I would have handled the exercise.

So here’s what I intend to do next time I hesitate asking someone for something:  I will acknowledge that I am creating my own fear.  I’ll figure out how I’m scaring myself.  I’ll recognize that I’m adding layers of unnecessary negative ‘what ifs’ to what may be a perfectly positive interaction.  I won’t give in to the fear, but will be willing to feel it … and then take the action anyway.

What about you?  What would you have done had you been in one of the four groups?  Would you be willing to ask?

Let me know in the comments section below if you’ve ever even thought about this topic.  I know I hadn’t.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her Over Fifty and Financially Free coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Rather listen than read?  Click below:

To Too Many Women, R.I.P.

I stopped by Winn Dixie on Tuesday, on my way home from a luncheon.  As I walked in, I saw Sandy, one of the cashiers there, who lives not too far from me.  I caught her eye, just to say hi, and she did a double-take.  I was all dressed up, not in the early dawn walking get-ups she’s seen me in for the past ten years as I walked past her house.

Over the years, we’ve talked about our pets:  a stray cat here, a vet recommendation there.  I wouldn’t say Sandy is a close friend, but rather an acquaintance who has shared my life at arm’s length … and I hers.

On Friday as I walked towards her house on my walking route, another neighbor gave me the news.  Sandy had died in her sleep overnight.  When her housemate had headed for bed the night before, she saw Sandy propped up in bed, reading a good book, so she went off to sleep.  Next morning, Sandy was in the same position and her dog was at her feet, whimpering.

Sandy was 71.  After retirement, as the years went on, she found she could no longer make it on Social Security.  She had never been able to save up much money.  So she pooled her resources with a friend and they bought a little place together, hoping their joint Social Security checks would be enough.  Eventually even that wasn’t.  So Sandy, the healthier of the two, went to work as a cashier at a local thrift store.  When that closed after the 2008 financial collapse, she moved over to a Winn Dixie where, at her age, she was on her feet for long stretches at a time.  That, and moving large kitty litter bags and 24-packs of beer or soda across the scanner.

This morning I saw Sandy’s housemate outside, feeding the little tribe of outdoor kitties that counts on them for nourishment.  She said the coroner hasn’t declared the cause of death yet, but figures it was either a heart attack or a thrombosis, maybe a dislodged clot from a knee injury that then blocked an artery or major vein.

It seems the day before Sandy had sat with a neighbor, and had complained of a pain she’d been feeling in her jaw for the past few days.  The neighbor said, “Be careful, you know that’s one of the signs women get of heart attacks.”  Sandy asked the neighbor if she was afraid of dying.  The neighbor said “no.”  Sandy said, “I am, but only if this pain is something slow like cancer.”  “Why don’t you check it out with a doctor?” the neighbor asked.  “I can’t afford it,” Sandy answered.

Sandy epitomizes why I do the counseling and mentoring work I do … and why I write this blog.  I don’t know many details about Sandy’s life.  But she had worked and had retired.  Like so many other women, she had virtually no savings.  Social Security was not enough to survive on, but she was resourceful enough to join forces with someone else in that situation and did what she could to ensure a roof over their heads, modest as it might be.  And when that wasn’t enough, she went out and found a job in this difficult economy.  Not an easy one either, but one that made ends meet.

Her housemate said she didn’t know what she was going to do.  I told her to focus on her grieving for now.  I said I’d be over in a day or two to work with her and see how to create a bridge to some sort of solution.  Because there always is one.  I don’t even know her name, but I’m sure I will real soon.

How many women do you think are facing this kind of financial reality?  These are not “bad” people, or women who were spendthrifts or wasteful.  They are simply women who were either never taught about money or were hampered all their lives by mistaken beliefs carried forward from childhood.

Even if you didn’t know Sandy, I’m sure you know of at least one woman in a similar situation.  If that isn’t enough motivation for you to get your finances in order, I don’t know what is.

And if you find yourself putting up all sorts of obstacles, please go enter your name and email address in the upper right-hand corner of this page, and get the down-loadable (and free) eBook entitled “Busting Five Myths Women Buy Into That Keep Them Scared and Broke!”  You can always unsubscribe later.  But please use any tool you can so you can get yourself on track for a future that promises financial peace of mind.

May you rest in peace, Sandy.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her Over Fifty and Financially Free coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Rather listen than read?  Then click on this link:

29 Things That Will Make Your Life Happier

Sometimes life just gets in the way.

And today I had a real wake-up call.  I was reading Amy Gutman’s article, “5 things I learned when The Organizer paid a visit,” in her blog PlanBNation, about bringing in an organizer to create some order in her surroundings.

It’s part of a “Life Experiment” she’s programming for herself each month in 2012.  In her case, as she says, “Each month, I’ll embark on a new experiment—a concrete set of activities tied to a particular time frame. At the end of the month, I’ll reflect on how my life has shifted as a result of taking these actions.”

For Amy, this month it’s about getting organized.

For me, it’s about taking back control over my environment.

What does that mean?

It means looking at that huge virtual “To Do” list in my head and selecting 29 daily activities, one per day (yes, February has 29 days), that are visible and that are bugging me.

Unless you’ve just moved into a brand-new house or apartment, I’m sure you can relate to the things that bug me.

I rebuilt my home from dirt to roof in 2002.  It took me about a year.  So I’ve been living in what started as perfection for nine glorious (and totally distracted) years.

I travel a lot.  And for years every time I came home, I’d exclaim, “Oh, it feels SO good to be home.”  But more recently I’ve been saying, “Hmmm, the key’s getting harder to turn in the lock; I have to remember to spray some WD-40 into it to clean it out.  Or someday it won’t unlock.”

What else?

Well, I noticed the toilet in the guest bathroom seemed to be filling all the time.  I found a crack in the uptake tube inside the tank, so I bought the full “toilet innards” at Home Depot, set them beside the toilet and shut off the water.  How long ago was that?

When I wasn’t watching, the small trees in my garden became big trees, and started blocking the much-needed sunlight from the smaller plants.  Today the garden is very different from the one I designed and planted almost a decade ago.  My computer’s screen saver throws up photos of that long-ago happy little garden and reminds me of how much sadder it looks today.  It needs a facelift.

What else has snuck up on me?  My accumulation of paper is bordering on overflow.  My constant book purchases mean my bookcases are no longer orderly.  (I still like the feel of paper too much … and that of my pen making enthusiastic or critical comments in the margins.)

Recently I remarked that the paint color I so painstakingly selected for the room where I work – the precise color of linen to contrast with white trim – is looking a little shabby.

And then the garbage disposal gave up the ghost a few months ago.  Did I replace it?  No, I just shifted over to the second sink and convinced myself that was better for the environment anyway.

In short – and in truth – as I let my work and passions and distractions take over more and more of my consciousness, I allowed my surroundings to degrade.  And each time I noticed something, I excused it or invented a justification I thought I could live with.  What I now realize is how much energy is consumed each time I see whatever it is … and say, “Someday I need to take care of that.”

Today is that “someday.”  Today Amy Gutman’s own challenge has led me to mine.  About a year ago, someone recommended making a list of everything we were “putting up with.”  I had very few things on that list.  Today I have far too many.  I need to squirt WD-40, call a plumber, sort books, replace light bulbs, repaint the front door and so on.

So what have you allowed to slip … as you juggle life?  As you build your business?  As you meet the needs and wants of others?

Be honest.  What are you putting up with?  (It can be large or small.)  What are the things you’re overlooking that bother you, maybe quietly, maybe loudly.  Isn’t it time to get them out of your life?

What if we challenge one another?  If you’re game, make a list of 29 things you’ve been meaning to get done that will make life more pleasant if you do.  Even if it’s just to get them out of your sight.  Most shouldn’t take more that 10-15 minutes to achieve.  (Don’t list huge projects or you won’t fit them into your day.)  Some may cost very little or nothing.  Just be sure to pick those that don’t put new stress on your finances.  Throw in some real easy ones so you can catch up on the first few days of the month that we’ve already missed.

For example, here are the first six I’ve done this weekend to play catch-up:
•    WD-40 the front door lock.
•    Change how and where I store all my passwords.
•    Clear off the kitchen island.
•    Sort through two bookcases and box up books to donate to local library.
•    Scrub the front door.
•    Clean out the water feature in my garden and get it working again.

So let’s each set about picking whatever one we feel like doing each day, and then cross it off … until we all move into the next month as much happier versions of ourselves.

Let me know down below if you’re game …

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Rather listen than read? Click below:

What You REALLY Want

Last week I wrote about the nine steps it takes to “Play Big.”  The first one, which actually relates to virtually every one of us, was “Take your head out of the sand.”

I’m going to assume that you did.

So, now that you’ve taken your head out of the sand, are you ready to draw a line in the sand?

Follow along with me.

Most people today don’t know what they really want.  They think they do.  They can make a list of things they’d buy if they could.  They know what they’d do with a million bucks if they won the lottery.  They know the house they’d buy if they got lucky and their businesses shot off the charts.

But is that what they really want?  Or is it what they think they want?  You see …

A recent Texas A&M study says a person is bombarded by 850 commercial messages a day, on average.”

So, much of what fills people’s wish lists is driven by “externals,” by what they see and hear about.  From TV, ads on smart phones, websites, billboards, from what friends have or talk about.  I know, I know.  It sounds so superficial…

Why?  Because it is.

By keeping people’s wish lists long, advertisers know they can keep them in a perpetual state of discontent.  They never have enough.  There’s always a newer iPad, a thinner mobile device, a sleeker car, hotter jeans.  Better … faster … cooler … more awesome.

Are you thinking “hamster on a wheel” yet?

Want to know how to get off?

Stop.

Sit quietly with a pad of paper and list everything you think you want.  Do a brain dump.  List absolutely everything you can think of.  Be sure to also take the time to go inside and look at what’s most important to you.  What will bring you joy not just in the short term, but also feed into later joy?  What touches your core, your values?  Don’t write down what you think you should want.  This is your secret list.

Once you’re done, start picking out any two things on the list.  Decide which of the two is more important to you and cross off the other one.

Do that until you have just three things left on your list.

These three are the things that will bring you the greatest happiness when you achieve them.  It doesn’t matter what they are; everyone’s three will be different.  But they are what will truly drive you to achieve.  And everything else on the list (all those things you crossed off) should be things you would gladly sacrifice in order to obtain or achieve your special three.

Now it’s time to draw the proverbial line in the sand.

For each of the three, set a deadline of when you could reasonably fulfill them, whatever they are.  Stretch yourself a bit.  Write the three things, plus their deadlines, on a clean piece of paper and save it somewhere.  And make a commitment to yourself that, come hell or high water, you are going to meet those deadlines.

Then get ready for the obstacles.  Expect things to go wrong.  If you fall down, get back up, brush off your shins and keep going.

Nothing really important comes easy.

By the way, no one needs to know what’s on your short list.

But as you obtain or achieve them, one by one, you will understand what real fulfillment is.  You’ll understand priorities.  You’ll know what focus is.

And you’ll be infinitely happier than the people still chasing every shiny object thrown in their path.

Then you can either pity them, or share this little exercise with them.

I think I know which one you’ll do.

(Let me know below …)

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!