Here’s another shortcut: listen instead of reading …

Financial Peace of Mind: A Shortcut

My journey started in a dark place.  Mostly because of all the sleepless nights, pacing the house at 3 a.m., wondering how I’d ever get out from under the weight of the debt and demands.  I felt just one or two clicks above helpless.

Step by step, following lots of bunny trails and rabbit holes, I reached total financial peace of mind.

I can still go to a place in my head and relive each step I took, as if it were yesterday.  Trust me, it’s far better to be living in my today.  Especially because I’ve figured out a system that shortcuts the journey for others.

Now, traveling the country, the moment I tell anyone what I do (“I work with women who can’t get their finances in order and don’t know why…”), so often I see a look that says, “That’s me.”  And a frustrated, sometimes painful story follows.

Late last night I drove home from a conference where I saw “the look” again.  And again and again.  I decided I had to share three little … and very do-able … steps that can be your first steps (if that’s you too) on that journey towards financial peace of mind.

It’s what I wish for you.  And what you so dearly deserve.

Step One:  Kill One Gremlin

We all have memories embedded in our subconscious from childhood that mess with our behaviors.  Maybe it’s our weight.  Maybe it’s our money.  Or maybe it’s our relationships.   We know exactly what we have to do to take off a few pounds, for example, yet we just don’t do it.  Why, you ask?  Because of the same “gremlins” (as I call them) that keep us from different behaviors, including healthy money behaviors.

So, let’s find one and snuff it out.

Look honestly at any one thing you know you do with your money that is not helping you have a balanced financial life.

Maybe you don’t ask for more money from your clients, although you know everyone else charges more.   Which parent insinuated that you didn’t deserve to make more than he or she did?

Maybe you give in to your teenager’s every whim although it means you’ll go without something you actually need.  Whose actions led you to believe your tight finances today are your fault?  Maybe you learned (through your mother or grandmother) that women are expected to just grin and bear it, even if in a destructive marriage to a supposed “good man” that means no safety or healthy boundaries?

Maybe the brand names hanging in your closet outpace your income.  Who told you as a kid on the playground that you weren’t part of the popular group because you wore hand-me-downs?

In short:  who are you mad at?  Who do you resent?  Who diminished or disempowered you?  Figure that out related to a destructive money behavior, release the anger and let it go.  (And watch that behavior change.)

Step Two: Know Your Gap

Someday you’ll have to put together a careful spending plan if you want to really get your finances in order.

But for today, here’s a shortcut.  Add up your monthly income.  Add up your all your monthly expenses.  Look at the difference between the two.  That’s your gap.  And it may be negative.  If it is, it’s hard to embrace the total debt you’re under; it’s usually a really big number.  But look at the gap.  Is it $500?  Is it $300?  Is it $1,000?  What can you do to close that gap, either by cutting expenses back by that much, or by finding a way to earn that much more.  Or a combination of the two.

Knowing your gap and closing it will lower your financial stress markedly.   And that success will empower you to start digging further and further until you’re willing to really turn all your finances around.

Step Three:  “I Want That”

Usually that phrase would be another pitfall, another line item on your credit card statement.

But here we mean something different.  What is important enough to you to give you the incentive to change how you deal with your money?

Take a few minutes in a peaceful place, far from the television and from your home office.  Visualize something that you want to do or be, a lifestyle or activity that makes you feel fulfilled.  Go into great detail about what that looks like, almost in 3-D.  Then write it down.  Whenever you have a question about an expenditure or any other money-related decision, ask yourself if it will bring you closer to … or further away from … reaching that vision.

The Full Journey

The entire journey from wherever you are today to wherever you want to be financially is not a difficult one.  It’s a series of steps.  These are just three.  But they represent the three areas you’ll eventually need to address on that journey:  your emotional triggers, the actual numbers in your life and what motivates you.

Drop me a line in the comment section below and let me know if this helped you see how to start your journey towards that magical place:  financial peace of mind.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers are shared in her posts, articles and an upcoming book. Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Rather listen in under 4 minutes? Click the link:

Girls Can’t Add

It’s true that our parents and our teachers told us we didn’t have to bother our pretty little heads with things like arithmetic.  Besides, it would be harder for us to find a husband if we were too smart …

Sound familiar?  Well, this was a carryover from our mothers’ and grandmothers’ social reality, perhaps, but not ours.

However, traces of this nonsense still lingered when Baby Boomers were growing up, and it resulted in many girls turning off to math as teens.  The social pressures may have softened a bit over the years since then, but somehow the belief about women’s difficulty with numbers has persisted.

So a lot of women have thrown up their hands and declared it impossible for them to “do finances.”

They’ve claimed it was their biology … and that they were just reflecting  biological differences in the math aptitudes of boys and girls.

Turns out, instead the difference was almost entirely social.  In fact, we can forget biology, as “social equality” seems to be what plays a dominant role in any actual test results.

Here’s the proof:  PISA, or the Programme for International Student Assessment, is part of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD).   In 2006, over 275,000 15-year-old students in 40 countries took the PISA test.

Globally, girls did score 7 percent better in reading than boys and, on average, did 2 percent worse in math.  But the math gap wasn’t consistent.

It seems the math gap shifted depending on how much “social equality” existed in each country.  In Iceland, for example, the girls outscored the boys in math by 2 percent.  Yet in Turkey, boys outpaced girls in math by 4 percent.   The performance differences implied a direct correlation with the status of women, even if the correlation wasn’t perfect.

Now, the U.S. is a country where women enjoy a high social status.  Yet we continue to let this minute global difference hold us back.

Add to that excuse the myth that we have to be good at numbers in order to get control over our finances.  (And some women do use this myth as an excuse to not even try.)

One small detail:  we’re not talking about rocket science here.

The only exception would be if we’re into real sophisticated investments in our portfolios and we’re analyzing a beta coefficient, or risk factor.   But, short of that, everything we need to get control over our finances we learned before the sixth grade.  We can add, subtract, multiply and divide, can’t we?

So this myth is debunked!

On the other hand, it’s possible that the real resistance isn’t “being good at numbers,” but rather what the numbers might tell us.

Shelves of books exist on the role of self-worth, fear, blame, guilt and shame in people’s unwillingness to know where they stand financially.  We won’t go into all the details here, but everyone I’ve worked with has told me (once they were willing to get honest about their financial reality) that it was never as bad as they had imagined.

It rarely is.  But when we don’t know the truth about our numbers, we imagine the absolute worst.  And that paralyzes us.

Yet by knowing the numbers, they suddenly hold far less power over us.  Like magic.  They become just numbers.

So do you think it’s time to come out from behind the myths and get honest with what you own, what you owe, what you earn and what you spend?

Let me know in the comment section below if the “Girls Can’t Add” belief has kept you from getting real clarity on your numbers …

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers are shared in her posts, articles and an upcoming book. Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Prefer a “4-minute listen”? Click the link:

Scarcity, The Game of Winners and Losers

“Grab a seat, Suzie.  Quick, grab any seat!” shouted little Suzie’s mother.

And soon would come Suzie’s first lesson in scarcity.

How did it start?

Suzie was all excited about going to her very first birthday party.  She had on her new blue dress, along with her black Mary Janes.  She was going to be with all her friends from pre-school, at a party with clowns and games.  There might even be some new kids to play with, her mother said.

At the party, she asked if her mother was staying with her.  “Of course, honey.  I’ll be here.  So just go and play with your friends.”

Off Suzie went to run around, chasing her friends in a game of tag.  Suzie knew her mother was somewhere in the distance, keeping an eye on her.  She was careful not to scuff her shoes too badly, but, oh, this was so much fun.

Suddenly Mrs. Turner announced that it was time to play some games.  They all gathered  under the covered area closer to the house where a string of chairs were all lined up, some facing one way, some facing the other.  “Skip around the chairs, children, all in one direction, until the music stops, and then sit in the closest chair.”

So off they went, skipping happily to the music.  And when it stopped, Susie saw a chair and sat down.  Others scampered around, looking for a chair to sit in.  And when the commotion was over, Andy was still standing.  Mrs. Turner said, “Okay, Andy, you’re out of the game.”

Out of the game?

And the music started again.

This time Suzie didn’t want to get too far from a chair facing her way, skipping along but searching for the next available chair.  Again the music stopped and she was safe; she had a chair.  But Jessica didn’t, so she was “out of the game” too.

This went on for awhile, with the pressure mounting as there were fewer and fewer children, and even fewer chairs.

And suddenly there were just two other children … and two chairs.

The music started and Suzie could hear her mother chanting, “Grab a seat, Suzie.  Quick, grab a seat!”

The music stopped and Suzie was left standing.  She had tried to get into a chair, but Petey had pushed her aside.  She looked over to her mother for a clue of what to do or how to react.  All she could see was either disappointment or disinterest.  She didn’t know which, but it didn’t feel like good news.  She hadn’t been fast enough.

Moments later, Petey would almost knock Missy to the ground as he twisted his body onto the last chair … and claim the prize.  Petey was the winner.  Suzie and all the others were the losers.

~~~~~~~~~

Whenever I ask women where they got their notions and negative emotions about money, I always hear things like “Oh, I don’t remember.  But I know I had a really normal, happy childhood.  I didn’t get any negative messages from my parents.  So I don’t know where I might have picked up this habit of buying things on impulse…”

Yet from the day we start interacting with another human being, usually starting with our mothers, we are gathering messages in our still-forming brains.  Up to age six or so, we are functioning in our subconscious brains, until our conscious brains kick in with a growing ability to judge right from wrong, true from false.

Yet in this undiscerning phase, each of those messages registers in our brains as “truth” unless and until something comes along to disprove it later.  And the majority of the messages were not meant as they seemed; most came from adults unaware of the impact they were having, with just a gesture or a comment … or a tone of voice.

If you’re wondering why you have certain money behaviors that don’t seem to have any rational source, you might want to spend a little time thinking back to beliefs that are sitting quietly in your brain, just waiting to be disproved or dismissed.

The first one is the belief that everything in life is based in scarcity.  And now you know where it may have come from.

Can you think of any others?  Let me know in the comment section below.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her Over Fifty and Financially Free coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Click the link to listen, if you like …

Does the Acorn Fall Far from the Tree?

The air was a little sultry when I lowered my window to give my name to the guard.  One phone call later and the huge 15-foot, scrolled-metal gates opened to let me into the condo property.  Lush landscaping dotted my route to the building where I had come to have dinner with some old friends, Phil and Elise.

They were here from Europe, enjoying the waterfront investment property they rent out by the week, mostly to other Europeans.  But fewer of their countrymen are traveling because they’re panicked over the future of Europe … and of the Euro.  So this year they had their choice of when to come enjoy the Florida sunshine.

And this year their son Jonathan wasn’t with them, so I asked how he was.

As expected, they said things were going really well.  Jon had taken his wife and child up into the mountains skiing, for a well-deserved vacation.  They were relaxing with other young couples in the family.

I remember him from his early teens.  His parents and I did business together 20 years ago; in fact, they repped one of my lines in Europe.  He came with them to Florida each year to visit his grandparents and I remember first meeting the pretty girl who would become his wife.

I also remember Jon talking about a concept he had for a business.  He was getting out of college, just about the time his parents were thinking of selling their business and taking early retirement.  They helped him get the concept off the ground.

Today his company offers mandatory training to most every major corporation in his country, both public and private.  Phil explained proudly how he was now renting Jon the offices he and Elise had grown into years earlier, before selling the business.  He talked about how his son had started at home too, working with his wife.  How they needed to expand those offices now because the business was growing by leaps and bounds.

I said, “Jon’s such a natural.  He moved into business ownership as if he had been trained for it all his life.”  And he had been.

Jon watched his parents build their business from the house.  When he was three or four, if they had a meeting at the bank, he went with them, taking his coloring books along but half listening to the conversation.  Dinner table talk was peppered with shop talk.  He heard what to do.  And what not to do.  No wonder he’s such a natural.

Today, despite the uncertainty in much of Europe, Jon’s business is blossoming.  Profitably.  He learned from his parents not to have a business with inventory, hence he trains trainers and offers training nationwide.  (No inventory.)  He learned about cash flow, so instead of having to wait 30 or 60 days for payment, he factors his invoices at a 3-4-5% discount, but has his money before he even has to pay his trainers.  And so on.

And his 6-year-old son is watching his parents grow their business, from a home-based start-up to a healthy enterprise.

Now, we don’t all have such perfect situations to model.  But the lesson is that we do indeed model ourselves after our parents, either reflecting or rejecting what they did.

In my case, my father was extremely entrepreneurial, to the point of irresponsibility.  He traveled incessantly, which made him an absentee father.  He dragged us through high peaks of wealth and low valleys of being broke.  Like a Pied Piper, he tried to convince us everything was okay.  My mother, on the other hand, was the rock.  She tried to hang on to her traditional role as wife and mother.  But, when needed, she was the one who went out and worked to keep a roof over our heads and to keep us clothed and fed the best she could.

Curious how the four of us kids turned out.

My older sister married someone who would ensure she’d never have to live with the instability my mother did.  My oldest brother reacted by working in global corporations where his rise to the top included long stints overseas, raising his kids much as we were raised, except with stability.  My other brother identified most closely with my mother, and carefully invested his solid income from solid engineering jobs he did all over the world.  All three made financial security their primary goal.

And I replicated my father to a tee.  By 19 I was starting businesses, and let my insatiable curiosity take me from one thing to another.  From one country to another.  (Life was an adventure, right?)  The biggest difference between us was that I never had children so any irresponsibility hurt no one but myself.  But I certainly drank the Kool-Aid.

I had to hit the wall financially at 53 before I looked deeply at my patterns and recognized that they would never take me to a peaceful retirement.  Instead, they’d keep me on the financial edge, as they did my father until he died at 63.  I was living a hidden vow of loyalty to my father that was stronger than my good sense.

I invested the time and energy to thoroughly understand money, the role it plays in our lives, the influence our families play in our finances … and how we can change our trajectories.

So here’s my suggestion:

Take a moment to look honestly at where you stand financially.  Then look at how you were raised.  Revisit the role played by each parent and define how much you reflect or reject each one.  Look at any hidden vows you may have made to be just like one parent … or never to be like another.

Be brave enough, if there is something you don’t like, to change it … regardless of whose feelings you think you might hurt.

You do not owe anyone a vow of loyalty to the point of putting your own financial peace of mind at risk.  Your only vow of loyalty should be to yourself and to your loved ones … to provide the greatest amount of well being you can.

And remember one more thing:  that does not necessarily mean tons of money.  It means whatever “well being” means to you.

Leave a comment below if any of this feels familiar …

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her Over Fifty and Financially Free coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Maybe you’d rather listen? Click here:

Why Is It So Hard To Ask?

Twenty-four people are sitting in a high-level coaching session.

They are assigned a task:  that of breaking into groups of six and, within two hours, seeing how much money they can raise.  The rules of the game include not being able to leave the hotel where the session is being held and not using any of their own money.

Two hours passed.  What then unfolded was fascinating.

The first group got up and reported that they had selected a child from the Make-A-Wish Foundation and contacted the venues of everything that made up his wish.  They got the hotels and relevant companies to commit to freebies.  Then they went to their email, Facebook and other social media and got their friends and fans to commit to donating directly to the Make-A-Wish site.  All told, they raised over $4,000 in cash and kind.

The second group got up and announced that they could never even agree on a concept.  Instead, the exercise turned into a personal development session with all sorts of tears, breakthroughs and aha’s.  But no money.

The other two groups reported differing levels of success, landing somewhere between those two extremes.

Then the session leader revealed the purpose of the exercise:  “to test your ability to ask.”

To ask.  Sounds so simple.

But think about it.  How difficult is it for you to ask someone to pay you money they owe you?  Whether for services already rendered or money they borrowed.

How hard is it to ask for help when you need it?  Or how hard is it to ask someone for a favor?

Are we worried about being indebted to others?  Or being a burden?  Are we afraid we will be showing our weakness or vulnerability – our soft underbelly – if we don’t present an exterior of steel?

Think about how far our civilization has come.  For example, what ever happened to neighbor-helping-neighbor, as in the old days?  Do you remember hearing about the famous barn raisings, where an entire community came together and built a barn for a family?  Of course no chits were ever exchanged because they all knew that one day someone else would have a need, they would ask and the same community would meet the need with grace.

What are we so afraid of?

Are we afraid the person will say no to our request for help?  Well, that could happen.  But is it the end of the world?  There may be a perfectly logical reason why they’d have to say no in that specific instance that is no reflection whatsoever on our worth, ability or intelligence.

Are we afraid the person will think we’re only after their money if we ask them to look at our business venture or opportunity?  Well, that too could happen.  However, to not ask could mean we prevent them from accessing or getting involved with something that could bring them tremendous value … all because we were afraid.

What’s even  more important is that by not asking, we may be denying someone else the possibility of feeling really good about themselves.  After all, think about how good we usually feel when we can do something to help others.

Like the old barn raisings, we’re not meant to go through life doing everything alone.  But I admit that I have trouble asking for help and don’t  know how I would have handled the exercise.

So here’s what I intend to do next time I hesitate asking someone for something:  I will acknowledge that I am creating my own fear.  I’ll figure out how I’m scaring myself.  I’ll recognize that I’m adding layers of unnecessary negative ‘what ifs’ to what may be a perfectly positive interaction.  I won’t give in to the fear, but will be willing to feel it … and then take the action anyway.

What about you?  What would you have done had you been in one of the four groups?  Would you be willing to ask?

Let me know in the comments section below if you’ve ever even thought about this topic.  I know I hadn’t.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her Over Fifty and Financially Free coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Click on the link to listen, if you prefer:

The Energy of Money

You get up early and rub the sleep out of your eyes.  You get your motor going with a superb cup of coffee and head out to work.  Over the next bunch of hours, you’ll trade your knowledge, time and effort for money, based on a formal or informal contract with someone.

Or you’ll take that cup of coffee to your computer and check what sales came in overnight while you slept … as the result of work you put in building an online business, creating products and attracting willing customers.  Again, an exchange of knowledge, time and effort for money.

Or maybe you take a break from your latest adventure and check in with your trusted money manager to know how your investment portfolio’s doing.  Even that passive income – which maybe isn’t the result of knowledge, time and effort today – IS the result of those things done some time in the past.

However you generate an income, short of inheriting it, that money came as an exchange for energy you expended.  (And even as an inheritance, it’s the result of someone else’s effort, gifted to you.)  As such, money is a “carrier” of energy itself.

Okay, so now that energy goes into a bank as a deposit.  To make life simpler, there are numbers assigned to it, called dollars, so it’s easier to keep track of.  Those numbers also make it easier to move that energy forward, whether as a source of income to the retailer who sells you those organic veggies, or the chiropractor who takes the pain out of your lower back or the bank that exchanges it for a small piece of ownership of your house.

Nowhere along the line does the energy acquire any unusual controlling power or take on characteristics of evil.  It’s neither friend, nor foe.

That energy is simply something that flows from one place to another, transferred as the result of the knowledge, time and effort expended by one or another party to the exchange.

So can you see why the psychological burden we assign to money is so misplaced?  Do you understand why the power we give it is so baseless?  Can you feel how neutral money can actually be … as nothing other than the energy that flows forth to thank the next person along its path for the knowledge, time and effort that went into whatever you purchase with it?

Time to lighten up.  Time to stop blaming money for whatever isn’t perfect in your life.  Time to look at the highest and best use of your knowledge, time and effort.  Time to allow the energy to flow … without creating false obstacles.

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BTW, I was invited by Jenni Parker Brown to write for her magazine that this month is focused entirely on wealth.  Click on through to explore … and flip to pages 24-25 to see what I wrote for you!

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her Over Fifty and Financially Free coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Click on the link to listen:

Owning Your Money

A Blues musician I once lived with called it the ‘tude.  And he personified it.  When he walked into a room, without making any effort, conversations shifted and people looked up.  It was all about the energy he exuded.  The ‘tude.

He owned his space.  It didn’t own him.

How you handle your money is no different.

Either you own it.  Or it owns you.

What do I mean by “owning” your money?

It starts with taking responsibility for your financial situation.  And that’s all about the absence of excuses.

Can you have messed up royally?  Absolutely.  But own up to it.  And change it.

Here are some actions that will help you own your money.

1.  Stop hiding.  Women often have psychological issues with money, which come from childhood messaging.  But the beliefs that come from that messaging can be identified and released relatively easily.  Most of them are worn-out myths.  (If you haven’t read it yet, pick up the free report in the upper right hand corner of this page.)

The economic turmoil of 2008 should have shaken everyone up enough to break through any mental blocks.  Although there does seem to be more conversation and questioning about personal finances, too many women actually seem to feel they have even less control over their money than before.

Money is not a topic you can be timid around.  Granted, it takes commitment to break through whatever myths or mistaken beliefs are holding you back, but you do need to do it.

2.  Get comfortable.  Start learning some “money terminology” around things that are most relevant to today’s economy.  Visit sites like The Motley Fool.  Spend time digging around sites with all sorts of calculators, like Bankrate.

Even if at first it bores you to death, pick things to read about that seem somewhat familiar and you’ll suddenly see the pieces of the puzzle start to come together.  Understand inflation and what it does to anything you have in cash or savings.  Read about metals like gold and silver to decide if you’re comfortable putting a bit of your assets into one or the other.  Know enough about the housing market in your region to know what you should do about the home you own (if you do own one).  Know what your options are if you are upside down, that is, if your mortgage balance is greater than your house’s value today.  And know about types of mortgages that you might qualify for, if you could refinance.

In short, be prepared to carry on conversations with people around you:  those you might learn from or whose advice you might seek.  The world economy is not going to get any easier any time soon.  You cannot afford to be a non-player.  You have to be fully engaged in the conversation, or you’ll be left floating … and powerless.

3.  Find an advisor.  It doesn’t have to be a financial advisor, unless you’re ready for one.  But find a mentor who knows more than you do and pick her brain.  Join or form a money club where women can talk openly about money and learn as they go.  The learning you do will go a long way to building your personal confidence around money.

4.  Start saving and investing immediately (no matter how little money you have to start).   Get a savings account set up somewhere, maybe an online one to make it most convenient.  Also set up an IRA or a 401(k), ideally one that is funded regularly from somewhere automatically (whether from your salary or from a personal bank account).

Once it’s budgeted, you’ll be amazed how you can adjust your “needs” to be able to live without the money you’re setting aside.  Then, you’ll be surprised at how fast your savings accumulate when you just add to them and let the interest compound.  (Try some scenarios out on this calculator on the Bankrate site, using just 5 percent annual interest, compounded monthly, and you’ll see what I mean.)

The mere act of saving money has an almost magical empowering ability.  Maybe it comes from knowing you’re doing something for yourself, something to take care of yourself in the future.  Whatever it is, it contributes greatly to the ‘tude!

5.  Strut your stuff.  Once you have come out of hiding, have learned to talk about money, have found someone you can turn to when you need input and have money in the bank … you’ve got ‘tude.  Suddenly people are more willing to do business with you.  Others will invest more in you.  Your boss is willing to pay you more money.  And so on.

You are more self-sufficient.  And independent.

You own your money.

Let me know in the comments below what part of this you find the most challenging.  And let’s see how to get you past it!
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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve … if they’re willing to do what it takes!

Rather listen? Give me 5 little minutes …

Relationship With Money

We throw the word “money” around with very little thought.

And that could be costing you big time.

As we go into this next year, it’s more important than ever to get a real close (in fact “intimate”) relationship with your money.  Not something you keep at arm’s length.  But instead, something that, if you personified it, you could have sitting across the table from you, sharing a cup of tea or a cold beer.  A friend, an ally, someone who has your back.

Okay, that may sound crazy.  But I can’t think of another way to get you to understand that you can’t be financially free or secure if you think of money as your enemy.  Or if you ignore it like that unused workout equipment that’s sitting hidden in your garage.

So I’d like you to take a little time to think through the questions I’m going to ask about different associations we all have with money.  If you answer honestly, you’ll soon know where the sticking points are in how you relate to your money.  And where you might want to do some work so you have a fighting chance to make 2012 a positive year rather than one where you tread water or, worse yet, fall further behind.

Security:  Did your family have trouble meeting its bills and did it ever make you feel insecure about your home life?  Or did you know you’d always be safe, no matter what?  Can you cover all your bills comfortably today?  Do you save for a rainy day?  Looking way forward, how much thought have you given to how you’re going to actually pay for all the years you’ll be retired, whether by choice or forcefully?  Have you done any calculations?  Do you have a plan in place?  Are you following that plan?  Or are you ignoring the topic altogether?

Freedom:  How do you define being “financially free?”  What does it mean to you?  Do you avoid the question because you feel trapped in the lifestyle and debt you’re carrying today?  Do you have a clear vision of what “financially free” looks and feels like?  Do you know what that will cost?  Have you put together a plan of how you’re going to get there?

Love:  What are your money expectations when you enter into (or stay in) a personal relationship?  Does love conquer all in a relationship?  Or does money have the power to make or break one?  Are you still waiting to be rescued?  Did you ever equate whether your parents spent money on you with whether or not they loved you?  Did your family have a lot of money and you often wondered if your friends liked you or liked all the nice things you had?

Acceptance:  Do you compare yourself with others around you and feel they judge you in any way?  Do you remember ever being teased at school because of where you lived or how you dressed?  Or do you worry that if you make too much money you’ll no longer by loved and liked by your family and friends?  Or do you feel you need to earn a lot of money for people to think highly of you?

Control:  Did either of your parents give you money or withhold things from you to get you to behave in a certain way?  Have you had boyfriends or a husband who used money to control you?  Have you ever hidden some spending from a partner because you were afraid of the consequences?  Have you ever used money to control your children, including paying their bills in order to keep them close?

Power:  Did your parents argue about money and did you feel the one who lost the argument was the weaker of the two?  Do you open and review all bills and statements?  Or do you relinquish your power to the fear that comes from not knowing where you stand?  Do you feel driven to amass large amounts of money in order to feel powerful?

Status:  Do you purchase things because of what others will think of you if you have them?  Do you drive a car you can’t really afford?  Do you live in a house that’s in keeping with your present income and circumstances, or does it drain a disproportionate amount of your income?

One thing you should know:  there are no right or wrong answers.  Any behaviors that we’re not proud of typically result from how we were raised and what we were taught … or not taught.

So just take note of where you got a little twinge of discomfort as you answered.  Know that it’s a place where your relationship with money is less than direct or clear.  Examine it.  Question where it might have come from.  Change it.

We’re all masters of our own destiny, you know.

Money has no innate power of its own.  But it can either be something you have a healthy use for … or it can act as a roadblock because of the emotional energy you have imbued it with.

It’s entirely up to you.

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women. She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve.

In case you’d rather listen, click here:

Forget Resolutions: Countdown to Twenty-Twelve

The holidays have peaked.  You’re sitting back, basking in the warmth of family joy.  There are leftovers in the fridge, and bags of torn wrappings for the garbage pickup.  (“Hmmm, there must be a more environmental way … but the kids do love to tear off that paper …”)

All the planning, all the adrenaline build-up, all the checklists made for a perfect couple of days.  Except that little glitch, of course, you know the one.  (There’s always one.  What was it this year?)

Your emotions ricochet between satisfaction and exhaustion and relief.  It’s over.  We made it past this first phase of the holidays.  Done.

Now starts the countdown to Twenty-Twelve.

This last third of December comes under some sort of “fantasy umbrella.”  Rules are broken.  We allow ourselves little no-no’s, and then say we’ll make up for them in the New Year.  And, after the tough year some of us have had, maybe we really deserve the respite.

But I challenge you to fit one new piece into the countdown to New Year’s.

Sure, you’re thinking of how you’re going to usher in the New Year.  Where you’ll go, what you’ll do, what you’ll wear, and if those holiday pounds will show.  Or, how to make that sensible stay-at-home celebration meaningful.  No, not meaningful.  Glorious!

Somewhere in the back of your mind, you’re also thinking “resolutions.”  Everyone is.  And everyone knows very few resolutions ever make it past January 5th.

So this year I propose a new little challenge.

In the next few days leading to the New Year, write down the five things you wish had been different in 2011.  Maybe you already know what they are and can write them down right now.  Maybe you need to let the task simmer in your brain for a few days, and let them come to the fore one by one.

By sometime around December 30th, be sure you have your list of five things.  Sit down over a cup of tea or coffee, somewhere quiet, and think of the opposite of each of those five things.

•    “I wish I didn’t have to work so hard and had more time for my family” becomes “I put in reasonable work hours and have more time for my family.”
•    “I wish it weren’t so hard to close out each month because my income is too small” becomes “It’s easy to close out each month because my income is large.”
•    “I wish I weren’t so tired all the time from carrying this extra weight” becomes “I’m full of energy because my weight is in a healthy range.”

Write them on a clean piece of paper.

At the top of the page, write “What 2012 Will Bring Me.”  Make it fancy.  Make it simple.  Do whatever you want, but “make it.”

Post your intentions for the year somewhere where you see them all the time:  over your computer, on the fridge door, in your top desk drawer.

Goals are supposed to be real specific:  losing 25 pounds, earning $35,000 more, for example.  But that’s how resolutions get broken, and then abandoned.

Instead of defining exactly how and what you’ll do, you’ve plotted out your direction for the year.  Your subconscious now knows what you want.  And each time you have a decision to make, looking at your list will help you decide which way to go.

I bet by the end of 2012 you’ll find you’ve made some major strides on some of the things you said you want.

Give it a try.  It’s infinitely better than making … and breaking … resolutions.  As we all do.

And, if you’d like to post one or two of your intentions in the comment section below (after all, some are too private to post!), please do so.  It might be just the incentive someone else needs!

Here’s to making Twenty-Twelve a truly stellar year!

Would you rather just listen?  Click here:

Audio: Talking About Debt

Dateline:  Miami, FL, 2001

“I have good credit.  I can just put it on my cards …” I said.

That’s how I justified the poor behavior of my six foreign business partners.  They refused to help make up for their government’s decision to hold back the funding it promised our venture.

Somehow I thought it was okay for me to shoulder my part … and theirs … although I was a minority partner.

And then an event occurred that was outside my control – and which I could never have foreseen.  By the way, things like that do occur, no matter how well you plan.  It’s called “Life.”

In my case it was 9/11.  The economy stagnated as the world (and American business in particular) sat waiting for the other shoe to drop.  Meanwhile, two of our major clients went bankrupt, ensuring that we wouldn’t ever get paid the second half of the huge year-end orders they had placed.

It was all over.  All my cards, business and personal, were maxed out.  The business credit line was tapped.  No reserves for a hole that large in the budget.  No savings.  No Plan B.

So I know all about the dark days of debt, seeing the steady stream of bills flowing in and knowing that there’s not that much in all the checking accounts combined.

x-x-x-x-x

I tell you this tale of woe because it’s representative of what often happens when you carry debt … regardless what the details are of your specific story.

However, with changing times, how we look at debt is no longer how we were raised to look at it.  And that change has caught many people off guard.

We were told all along that there was “good debt” and “bad debt.”  Good debt was seen as an investment:  say in a house that would increase in value over time; maybe in an expensive education that would increase one’s lifetime earning capacity.

And “bad debt” was seen as anything incurred for things that devalued with time, such as consumer products, meals, and so forth.  This form of debt was (and still is) best represented by what’s carried on our credit cards.

What’s changed today?  Well, in keeping with the phrase “the good, the bad and the ugly,” almost all debt today qualifies as ugly.  (At least for those of us too unconnected to have access to the inner sanctums of Wall Street firms, mega-billionaire and market manipulator George Soros and others with insider knowledge.)

So what happened to “good debt?”  Well, the housing market is giving ample witness to the fact that it is no longer a safe and ever-increasing store of value.  Just ask the millions whose mortgages are upside down just in the U.S. – that is, they owe more than the house is worth.

Or ask the unemployed 21-year-olds holding a sheepskin diploma – whether from mid-tier schools or diploma mills – what they think their costly educations are worth now.  Granted, unemployment for those holding college degrees is lower than for most others, but a degree is no longer the guarantee of employment it once was.

Pretty ugly.

And what about “bad debt?”  Americans are taking on more and more, with a national average interest rate of 14.99% while the cost of money is down under 1%.  The huge spread results from a combination of high default rates and getting away with whatever the market can bear.

Still ugly.

And what else has shifted?  Frankly, all the foundational economic rules.  When trying to forecast how the economy will react to a particular event, there used to be logical rules.  But now, it’s hard to advise someone how fast to pay down their outstanding debt, for example.  Do they pay down cards or hold on to cash?  Since the  economic tsunami in 2008, all the government intervention in the markets – bailing out banks and corporations, printing money madly and cutting behind-closed-doors deals – means that A plus B does not equal C any more.

How long will it take for the economy to turn around?  We don’t know.  Will all the money printing result in hyperinflation?  We don’t know.  Will government continue covering all the “safety net” entitlements?  We don’t know.

So what to do?

Find where your outflow of money equals your inflow of money.  If need be, pay down debt to that point.  Or increase your income.  That balance is where you’ll find your personal point of peace of mind.

If you haven’t started scrambling yet, and you’re carrying debt, it’s time to scramble.  (And, radical as it sounds, target having a No-New-Debt holiday season.)

With the level of uncertainty the economy is demonstrating, it’s time to be financially conservative.  Do what you can to build up resources that will carry you through unexpected events.  Do extra odd jobs to bring in more money if needed to drive down debt or to set money aside.

Am I a total pessimist?  No, I’m not.  I’m not predicting a dire future because I trust that someone somewhere somehow will put on the brakes before we reach pandemonium.

But I do think we should prepare so we’re functioning from a place of peace of mind, where our judgment is sound, not panicked.  That place of peace that will allow us to benefit from any and all opportunities that cross our paths, and give us choices.

A person strapped with debt … or with a home facing foreclosure … or with a declining or at-risk income has few choices.

Don’t let that be you!

Drop me a note down below, in the comment section, and let me know if you think you’re doing everything you can to reach “peace of mind.”

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Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53: her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. Yet she did! Since then, with her finances completely turned around, Sharon has gone on to interview countless women.  She’s done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve.