Hidden Insecurities

Hidden Insecurities

Oh, our hidden insecurities!

Prefer to listen? Click here:

Hidden Insecurities

Sometimes, even when we look confident on the outside, we’re pulled off our game by little hidden insecurities that seem so petty. Let me know if this holds true for you.

It amazes me when it happens. I mean, I travel all over the world. I talk to presidents and prime ministers of countries. In four different languages. Most of the time nothing rattles me. But sometimes I get caught off guard …

Let me tell you how it last happened.

It’s Thanksgiving Day. It’s around 2:30 and I don’t have to be at Thanksgiving dinner at my friends’ house until 6. It’ll take 45 minutes to get there, so I have to leave by 5. (I’m always 10 or15 minutes late leaving the house, whether it’s feeding the cats or checking my email one last time, so I pad my timing …).

So, I should start bathing and cleaning up at 4. I hate to rush.

That leaves an hour and a half. It’s such a gorgeous day, maybe I’ll just do a little gardening. I have ample time to cut back some branches … and maybe the big palm fronds that have covered over the water feature … they’ve grown so tall.

I always get lost in my gardening. Once the branches and fronds were cut back, I noticed the huge ferns around the banyan had exploded. Beautiful, but overwhelming. And they were actually climbing up the tree! How? Well, the Vanda orchid has sent out masses of air roots that are attaching themselves to whatever they find and creating a sort of ladder for the ferns. Okay, I’ll cut back the ferns … I should still have time.

I finally got back inside and started the water for my bath. (Yes, I love baths. My mother used to draw one for me each morning and I’ve never let go of that memory.)

While the tub filled, I decided to check the Black Friday offer I had put up with help from Tiffany Johnson (she’s great at WordPress, by the way, if you need someone …). I figured I’d just change a thing or two, maybe the images. (Can you see where this is going?)

Suddenly it was almost five. Quick, into the bathtub! In … out … dry off.

Then the doubts began.

I have put on 3 pounds this month, so I’m no longer at my nice, new low weight. I’ll have to pick a top that hides it. (As if anyone but me would notice the 3 pounds.) And I had my hair cut this week. I said, “Let’s do something radical,” and radical it is. So short, my brothers wear their hair longer, and they’re conservative types. Super short, G.I. Jane-short, like half an inch on the sides. And are my ears too big? (My brothers called me Dumbo as a kid and I slept with bubble gum behind my ears, wearing a tight headband so my ears might bend back closer to my head.) Now I kept telling myself “I have a great shaped head, so it’s okay.” But doesn’t it look a little “unfeminine?”

(Does any of this sound at all familiar?)

Well, I’ll put on more makeup than usual. I’ll wear the sexy espadrilles I bought in France recently, and my tight jeans that slim me down. Stay casual, Sharon. I put on some super expensive necklaces, stunners, from Venice, Italy. Maybe no one will focus on my hair. And I threw on a soft, sloppy white cotton top that hides all ills. And that says, “I just threw myself together to come hang out for awhile …”

Maybe I don’t have to go. Oh, but my friend Marta will be so disappointed if I don’t show up. And, besides, what am I going to eat now, I haven’t planned anything else. Sharon, it’s Thanksgiving.

Besides, I’m all made up.

I love Marta and her immediate family, but I feel awkward with their extended family and friends. Maybe I’ll just stay home.

It’s 5:45 and I cannot drive 40 miles in 15 minutes. Even if I do drive fast.

I’ll call her and say I’m on my way, but late. I’ll say they should go ahead and eat if the food’s ready. I’ll just nudge my way into a table somewhere and have a glass of wine when I get there.

I got there at 6:40 with Marta texting me … lovingly … “Chica, where ARE you???”

Imagine, I used to fly from Rio to Buenos Aires to get my hair cut. (You can bet I never said, “Let’s do something radical.”) And I’ve worked the dangerous border between Colombia and Venezuela, where they kidnap people. I take on challenges without a second thought, things many people would never even think of doing.

Yet three pounds, an overly short haircut and some perfectly nice people I don’t know are enough to turn me into Jell-O. Pull out all my insecurities.

Am I the only one? Does this happen to you? What do you think causes it?

Let me know in the comment section below.

xxxxxxxxxx

OUR CYBER-SPECIAL IS OVER!

THANKS TO ALL who purchased our special offer!

I’m offering a very special price on a package that can make or break your relationship with your partner … when it comes to the topic of money!

How And When To Talk
To Your Partner About Money
(Without It Leading To Breakup, Fights or Divorce!)

This is a 27-page “tell-it-like-it-is” money playbook I wrote for you:

What to say about money … and when … whether you’re dating, moving in together, marrying, long-time married or just feeling a fight coming on.  Questions and checklists help you talk about it without the emotion!  Plus two SUPER bonuses!

xxxxxxxxxx

Bio: Sharon O’Day lost everything at age 53:  her home, her business, everything. But how could that be? She’s an expert in global finance and marketing with an MBA from the Wharton School. She has worked with governments, corporations, and individuals … yes, she was the secret “weapon,” if you will, behind many individuals in high places. But yet she did! Since then, Sharon has interviewed countless women and done extensive research to understand how that could have happened, especially with her strong knowledge of numbers and finance.

The surprising answers will be shared in her upcoming book “Money After Menopause.” Today her mission is to show as many women as possible how to become financially free for the long term, through her “Over Fifty and Financially Free” coaching programs. She has developed a step-by-step plan to get past all the obstacles that keep women broke and scared … and from reaching the financial peace of mind they so deserve.

  • Anne (Annie) Berryhill

    I love your articles! I don’t think there is a person on the planet who can’t relate to this! It’s funny because I just posted something similar. Funny how that theme is floating around right now! Thanks again Sharon!

  • DianeDP

    Sharon, I sooo appreciate your fresh honesty, and of course, there are plenty o’ times that I feel my own insecurities hanging out. In fact, I have to laugh… only recently, while I was working a trade show booth, I noticed a man staring at me. I tried and tried to figure out who he was… he looked familiar, but I was drawing a total blank. Did I know him from 25 years ago, maybe in college? Or, perhaps 6 years ago, during my ballroom dancing days? In fact, when he finally stepped forward to say hello, I realized by his name card that he was someone whom I had met networking a mere 6 months ago…. and suddenly, my thoughts went to silliness, like, “How fat do I look in these clothes?” or “When did I last have my hair colored?” As if anybody cared… really no one does. As you so rightly point out, these are minor details that get magnified because of our insecurities. We should remind ourselves… positive self-talk… that knowledge is attractive, caring about others is sexy, doing small acts of kindness bring more to the giver than the receiver… and that 95% of life is just showing up. Glad you made it to Thanksgiving dinner, chica!

    • I’m glad I made it, too, Diane.  But it was close!

  • DianeDP

    Sharon, I sooo appreciate your fresh honesty, and of course, there are plenty o’ times that I feel my own insecurities hanging out. In fact, I have to laugh… only recently, while I was working a trade show booth, I noticed a man staring at me. I tried and tried to figure out who he was… he looked familiar, but I was drawing a total blank. Did I know him from 25 years ago, maybe in college? Or, perhaps 6 years ago, during my ballroom dancing days? In fact, when he finally stepped forward to say hello, I realized by his name card that he was someone whom I had met networking a mere 6 months ago…. and suddenly, my thoughts went to silliness, like, “How fat do I look in these clothes?” or “When did I last have my hair colored?” As if anybody cared… really no one does. As you so rightly point out, these are minor details that get magnified because of our insecurities. We should remind ourselves… positive self-talk… that knowledge is attractive, caring about others is sexy, doing small acts of kindness bring more to the giver than the receiver… and that 95% of life is just showing up. Glad you made it to Thanksgiving dinner, chica!

  • Thank you Sharon for sharing…it is extremely interesting what triggers our insecurities and/or fears…the subconscious more so than the conscious seems to be the primary driver…very thought provoking article! Thank you, Hughie

  • Ok, I’m guessing it wasn’t really the three pounds… what IS IT about hair that makes women so insecure?  My last trip to the salon was during 80’s lunch hour, so I decided I wanted bangs.  I left with bangs so short (at least they weren’t spiked!) I felt like a 7 year old.
    I think you found the root of it when you wondered if it was unfeminine.  But I still think you’re a powerhouse!  🙂

  • Great article Sharon!  Oh how the insecurities tend to rise up in us at the most absurd time. Even as I am out and about running errands with no make-up on, hair pulled back, baseball cap on, etc., I find myself asking questions like:  who will I run into, gotta make this trip quick, etc.  Thanks for being so honest with us here.  

  • Insecurities have a way to creep up at any age Sharon.  Great article.  Those moments come anytime they please.  Glad you showed up at Thanksgiving.  I bet you looked way better or maybe best looking woman there.  I had my own “challenge” other day.  On Saturday for 11th or 12th time my crown came out again.  It’s really a stub that is trying to hold a crown in.  Thanks to parents–no blame-reality.   Recently I had to get a small partial. Okay…loved it..crown broke off Saturday, Sunday to this massively I show up.  Had to keep mouth positioned so less gap showed.  Obvious spot. Where else? Still waiting on dentist to call back?  Will he?  Who else knows my mouth better than this one?  Another today issue: Can I face the Apple store staff later who I love and go to for training?  Last issue today:  PS: meeting some dog people coming over to use our freezer for first time. Imagine meeting me with this gap!  Why don’t adult teeth grow back? Holy mackerel.  Talk about insecurity! Would mine be the “visual” ones? You see it right there in your face–my gap!

  • Great post, Sharon. I am sure every single person can tell a similar story. Isn’t it funny how we have the courage to fight a dragon around some things and just want to run and hide around others?

  • Lori

    SO true Sharon! I’m glad I’m not the only one! Great article!